Deena's World

2009-03-18T09:33:00.001-05:00

I'm currently trying to find out what this piece is...who it's by and what it's called. If you know...share the love!

2007-10-03T00:12:00.000-05:00

No amount of success can heal a person's soul.

How much can one expect to learn in a day? Generally--I learn quite a bit about the world around me. Rarely do I learn as much about myself as I have in my journey from Longview to Atlanta today.

On my flights, I took time to continue reading Velvet Elvis (which I started a while ago...and I am completely enthralled with.) I attached the link because you need to read it. It will change the way you view your faith. It will at least make you question everything--and I think that's a great thing in everyone's life.

"...for no amount of success can heal a person's soul...If you have issues surrounding your identity, those issues will not go away if you "make it." They will be there until they are hunted down and identified and dealt with...The lies that tell you success and achievement will fix it? They won't. You will be the same person, only you'll have more of everything, and that includes pain." "I spend a lot of time dealing with other people's pain. And when I am dealing wiht theirs, then I don't have time to think about my own...As long as I am going and going and going, I don't have to stop and face my own pain."

Rob Bell goes on to talk about how he has a "false sense of guilt and subsequent shame because [he] believed deep down that [he] wasn't working hard enough. And [he] believed the not-working-hard-enough lie because [he] didn't function like a superpastor."

I leveled with him. I found myself staring out the window of the airplane with a tear in my eye, trying to figure out why this was burning me deep in my soul. It's because I am that. I have this Super...Whatever inside of me that is something I'm trying to live up to--I've been trying to since I was a kid. There's a difference in striving for goals and striving for an image of what is impossible.

This is something I'm dealing with inside myself right now. Sometimes in my life, I come to a point where I realize things have built up and I must strip away to find myself in it all again. I think it's time.

I am developing a deep seeded, burning desire for authenticity.

How can you point people in a direction that you aren't familiar with? How can you offer something to people that you don't possess? I am ready to just get real. Raw. No covers, bearing my soul to the world. I don't really know how...but I think it's time to find out. I have to kill this SuperWhatever inside of me that is terrified to be vulnerable and raw and real and authentic.

Later in the chapter, Rob Bell states something that unleashed an emotion in me so strong; I haven't felt something that intangible feel so real in a long time. He said, "...it is possible to be a Christian...and never let Jesus heal you soul."

I believe that. And I don't want to be one of those Christians. Why be that way?? Why live something and believe something and refuse to let it change me?? Why refuse to offer my vulnerability for the sake of saving a few minutes of the pain of a hurting reality and forfeit a soul that is restored to the fullest??

What does it mean to let Jesus fully heal your soul? To stop relying on others to make you feel accomplished and worth while? To truly feel like a restored person--to be on the path to (notice I didn't say arriving at...) the perfection that He planned for us in the beginning?

I don't know...but I think I'm gonna find out. I don't think I have a choice anymore. It's something my soul is craving. Something more than what I am now.

I'm about to figure out exactly who He created me to be right now. I'm going to be okay with me--everything--from my pale skin to my crazy dry curls...from my imperfect body to my slightly neurotic personality...from my intense desire to see other people restored to my confusion over the gospel and counseling and other things I'd like to think I'm good at.

In the words of Marie (Mar-ee-ay) Digby, You're about to watch me unfold.

2007-09-27T20:23:00.000-05:00

I know...I know...most people don't even look at this anymore.

But I miss it! And I think it's time to pick up the ole blogspot that's been soo good to me over hte past five years.

Hmmm...December was my last post. How embarassing. I guess the combative world of Myspace vs. Facebook just left Blogspot in the dust for a while. Poor blogspot...probably thought I was leaving it for a newer, younger, better version.

::hearing music in the background..."There's no tenderness like before in your fingertiiippppsss.....you've lost that loving feeling, whoa that loving feeling...now it's gone, gone, gone, whoa whoa whoa"::

But nay--I have not abandoned my first love. (Keeping the world updated on my world since 2003.)

Gosh, tons of stuff has gone on. I'll have to update a little at a time.

I will say one thing...between both of our full time jobs, and both doing grad work part time...we're lucky to get good conversations in at night when we're both so drained from the day. One thing--fall means the onset of the best TV. Ugly Betty is my hero. America's Next Top Model is my guilty pleasure. And this me watching the stupid girls on Beauty and the Geek.

I'm baaaaack!

2006-12-04T10:35:00.000-06:00

Ho Ho Jolly Jingle Bells

Frost on the cars in the morning, sweaters, hoodies, cold noses, shivers, breath in the air… It’s a beautiful time of year!

I love this time of year! I mean, birthday and Christmas definitely add to the greatness, but it’s not just the actual holiday that I love. Presents are great…a day when everything is all about me is great…but I really just love the whole Holiday Season. Starting with Thanksgiving and ending with New Years…this is my favorite time of year. My apartment has been decorated since two weeks before Thanksgiving. There are already goodies in the stockings! And we celebrated my birthday this past weekend (a few days early…finals are MEAN this year!!)

I’m blessed with a wonderful husband…six and a half months. The time has flown…but I’m so excited for our first holidays together! He starts my car ten minutes before work every morning so I won’t freeze as I leave. Now that’s love. :)

I think what makes this season so wonderful to me is how the celebration reaches everyone. There are no requirements beyond desire to participate in festive activities. The old, the young, the poor, the wealthy, men, women, children, different cultures, races, ethnicities, and backgrounds; everyone can share in the warm wishes of the coldest season of holidays. It makes me smile inside. Right now, my favorite thing is sitting on my couch looking at my lit tree and stockings hung from my TV…maybe one day I’ll have a mantle! But in an apartment, you improvise!

Well, I think I’ll end this post here, but I’m going to try to post more often. It’s been too long!

Love, love.

2006-09-20T09:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, I have to post this story:

First off, I absolutely love being married. It is so much different than I could have imagined; the day in and day out is not something that is comprehensible until you’re actually taking part in it. But it is too much fun! When you live alone and are as busy as we are, that other person really becomes your best friend. You talk about whatever, you disagree, you learn that things really don’t have to be as you envision. You also often realize that the other person’s vision of what should be is often better than your own. Then you begin to see yourself working as a team. It takes time and patience to become a well-oiled machine, but the first time you see yourself as one, really seeing yourselves fall into pace without discussions or plans, it’s the most encouraging thing I can think of.

Ok, now for non-mushiness. For those of you how know Ben and me, you can only imagine what it’s like on a daily basis. We have a blast. With a big mix of our antics, smart mouths, and sneakiness occasionally...we just have a good time. Here’s a story from the lives of us:

When we do laundry, honey, we DO laundry. Our schedules are such that, at best, we do laundry once a week. Now, realize that “doing laundry” at our apartment is not what it is for most people. I had grown accustomed to the mindset of the following: “Suuure, throw it all in there. Just wash it all on cold. There’s only one white tank top, so it won’t hurt it to be washed with all those other dark ones.”

Such is not the case with Benjamin Shelton. Ben washes clothes like Martha Stuart. (Don’t get me wrong, I’d never go back.) But there is a dark/warm load, a dark/cold load, a white load, a colored load, and towels. Now, add that to my obsession that all laundry detergent, fabric softener, and dryer sheets MUST smell alike, and you have one heckuva laundry day.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Ben HATES to fold laundry. That boy will clean the kitchen all day long. He’ll vacuum, scrub, dust, take out trash, etc. without ever being reminded. (He actually sees that it needs to be done…I’m one lucky woman.) But he hates to fold, hang, and put up clothes. So, I normally do it. He does too much else for me to complain.

Well, the other day, I was taking care of my laundry and hanging my pants. Ben was doing the same and had just begun to fold his shirts. He asked me what the weather was going to be like today. I said that I didn’t know. So, he said, “Baby, would you mind going to check the weather on the comput…um…I mean would you mind folding these shirts for a minute?” and he walked out of the room to go check the weather on the computer. I laughed as I started folding his shirts. “Honey,” I said, “do you think that it wasn’t obvious to me what just went on? Honestly, you weren’t that sneaky.” Of course, he had NO idea what I was talking about…until he realized that I won’t have the wool pulled over my eyes! Then he confessed and said that I shouldn’t be mad because, “One time, I hung up one of your shirts.”

I love living with a boy. ;)

2006-08-24T18:10:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wonder how many people you actually are connected to in some way or another?

I mean, I was thinking this today as I sat with a classmate from this training I'm doing. Her name is Jennifer and she is a Substance Abuse Specialist for West Plano ISD. I have met her and about 20 other people this week that are all in the prevention field...it's been really cool.

Now this didn't really strike me until I looked at my blog today. I mean I have a hit count of over 32,000. Now, grantid, it's about 2 or 2 and a half years worth of counting. But still...that's a lot. When I put that counter up, it was for the purpose of seeing how many hits I got per day. Well, today I found out that they break it down for you. Since I put that counter up two or two and a half years ago, almost 6000 different people have looked at my blog. The first thing I thought was, "I don't even know that many people." hahaha.

Just something that makes you think.

On the other hand...I'm so ready to go back home and be with my husband. Today is Thursday evening...I've been in Dallas for four full days now...since Sunday evening. I get to drive home tomorrow. This training was amazing...I learned SO MUCH. But I am definitely ready to be back home with Ben.

By the way, if you want to know the new research on the brain and how alcohol affects teen's brains...ASK ME. It's new...it's so interesting.

2006-08-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

I'm a ho.

Ok, maybe not, but Thaddaeus might call me something similar and dump all my kudos if I don't post!! I know...even my husband has asked me why I don't post anymore...it's a shame!!

I was planning to update on my (our) life soon! Thanks, Thad, for the friendly push to do so now.

First off: School
I will finish my first grad class on Thursday. Weird. Holy cow, that means I have 3 of 60 hours completed. Only 57 to go!! woo hooo!!!

Second off: Job
My job is cool. I have now been there six weeks. In that time, I coordinated an event for the City of Longview in which over 5400 people participated. It was fantastic...I felt incredibly validated in myself as a careerperson. It actually even increased my confidence in myself concerning grad school. I suppose I just feel like I can be successful. (I've always thought it, but actually doing something that is considered a success by hundreds (thousands) of other people kinda backs it up.)

Third off: What am I typing on right now?
My new toy...here it is:

I love it! Ben is so pleased with himself...I've turned into a mac-lover in a matter of two days. It's so cool...the little camera on top of the screen...so easy to use...life is better with a mac.

Last, but not least: My bonus for getting the computer

Oh yeah, baby. 30gig Ipod video. Ben got it for me when he ordered my laptop. (Some kind of student discount deal.) Regardless, he got it for me and it's on it's way. So, I basically got two of my dream pieces of electronic equipment in a matter of days. I am like a kid in a candy store.

For those of you who know what kind of computers I had in college, you understand how ecstatic I am to have a DVD player, CD-RW, wireless, blah blah blah. I talked to Brad today and he laughingly said, "Deena, of anyone I know, you deserve to have a reliable computer in college."

It made me smile. I miss undergrad lately...that's a whole different post. In fact, it may be the topic of my next one.

The only thing I can say is that my life now if fantastic. I have the most amazing husband in the world. We have such a blast! Today, we sat on the couch laughing and joking around as we watched a movie. We laughed and joked around so much I was falling off the couch. I had to redo my hair and makeup before we went to home groups tonight... :-P Marriage is a blast...I recommend a good marriage to anyone. ;)

Love me. <3

2006-06-30T16:50:00.000-05:00

So work…yeah…

I got my job. I’m a Prevention Specialist for the City of Longview’s Partners in Prevention Program. A mouth full, I know. I have been feeling much more accomplished the past week and a half. It’s funny to me how different people are validated by different things. For me, making a difference in a work setting is really important. That is, right after my husband telling me that I’m doing a great job at…well, anything really. Verbal compliments keep me running…kind of funny to think that just people speaking well to me makes me want to do better. (Man, I should have gone for like money rewards or something instead, right??)

I’m learning so much every day. It’s easy to say you’ve learned important things when you’re single…but when you live with someone else and actually have to live them out, it gets much tougher! I mean, the world really isn’t all about me. I don’t really have to do things my way all the time. My ideas aren’t really the best on most occasions. (I still like to entertain those thoughts in my head…but you begin to see how faulty they are when you live with someone who is a good example of humility and patience.) Can you tell that I am loving married life and enjoying living with my husband? It’s probably the best decision I’ve made…marrying that guy. He sure is a keeper. He’s so supportive and loving…and we have a blast together.

I think one of my favorite things of all time is how much we laugh together. When we’re hanging out and joking around, I feel like I’m hanging out with a best friend from forever ago that has known me all of my life. It’s in the moments that I’m bent over, laughing so hard that my eyes are squinty, I can’t breathe, my face is red, and I’m probably snorting…that I realize how boring my life was before I met him.

So yeah…we’re in Longview still. Hit me up if you’re still here and I haven’t seen you in million years!

2006-06-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

Best day of my life...

If you wanna see more pics...go check out my facebook. :)

2006-05-18T19:55:00.000-05:00

First, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED IN TWO DAYS!

Next,

We're weird.

A glimpse into the life of Deena and Ben:

About a week ago, our washing machine started making this horrific noise. We debated on whether something horrible was wrong, or if it was minor enough to call the repairman. I mused that the suspense rods may be loose, since that normally made my parent's washer squeak growing up. (I watched my dad fix things when I was little.)

We were discussing the interworkings of a washing machine when Ben made the comment of washers using centrifugal force in the washing process. Then, he began to elaborate on the definition of it and said that it was the inertia of the object(s) being pushed away from the center when spun in a circular motion.

I argued and said that it was actually the pull toward the center as the clothes made the circle. We made the bet and said we would look it up.

The next weekend, while we were home in Mississippi, I remembered our argument and looked up Centripetal force, knowing that I was right. I beamed as I read dictionary.com's definition. "Ben," I said, "Centripital force is the object's pull towards the center as it rounds the curve." Then he started laughing and told me to look up Centrifugal force which happens to be the inertia of the objects away from the center as it is spun.

We're freaking nerds. That's what a LeTourneau education will do to you.

(I repeated this from our site...)

2006-04-24T14:48:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. Howard

Ode to Howard
By: Sarah Mintz and Cathy Terence

My grief will not be relieved, my dearest Howard.
In truth, I never knew if your nest was even to be pink or blue.
I could only discern that you were no mallard.
For your downy coat was black, tan, and only two weeks new.
Is it feasible for my shadow to suddenly skip away from beneath me?
Give me another chance to bring you into the sun,
and I’ll heat you, not freeze you in the sink of 16C.
My song is old school and I’m jealous for your steady squeak.
Here are four grown women dressed in despair and standing in the rain,
thanking God for Sarah McLaughlin, for without her we know not the words to speak,
What other beast of the pond could excrete no stain?
A vast Dale has separated your beak from our toes.
Do all ducks go to heaven? Only God knows.

We loved you our sweet, little duck.

2006-04-21T15:18:00.000-05:00

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

2006-04-06T17:24:00.000-05:00

HOOTENANNY: LIVE
FRIDAY, APRIL 7, 2006

Be there.

2006-04-04T15:19:00.000-05:00

I'm posting...but...

You'll have to go here.

Since it's about us both, I figure you can read it on OUR site instead of MY site...

But we got an apartment...so go read for more...

2006-03-27T14:30:00.000-06:00

A friend once told me...

"Giving up having a little bit of everyone for a lot of someone isn't easy, but it's worth it...it's so worth it."

He was a smart guy...I never really knew what it was like to have someone constantly on "my side," battling for me regardless of the situation.

In fact, I'd always prided myself on my friendships because they were authentic. I told and was told by my friends the truth of all situations. It was a beautiful thing.

But I never realized how much I would treasure having someon vying for me 100% of the time. It's an amazing feeling...to know that even when anyone else would say, "Deena, you screwed up..." or "Deena, you're just looking at this the wrong way," he looks at me and just says, "You know what, it's all going to be okay and we're going to do this together."

I am tempted to describe it as magical...maybe because the term "magical" means to me something that one cannot comprehend in the world of reality. It wasn't really ever something I saw as being a reality in my life...so I treasure it every day.

P.S.

I lost my cell phone today...so if you wanna get in touch with me, you'll have to try harder until I find it or get a new phone.
email works wonders

2006-03-11T11:08:00.000-06:00

Funniest Haiku ever...

I had to post this. This has got to be the most genius haiku I've ever read.

I sold my vacuum
I only need one dirtbag
nothing sucks like you
-- Karen Kanter

I don't know who Karen Kanter is...but she's hilarious.

2006-03-08T13:16:00.000-06:00

Today...today today...

Today, I got my first acceptance letter into grad school... :)
Hopefully the first of several!

I'm so happy!!!

And Paige might be coming to see me over spring break!!!

Much love <3

2006-02-26T17:14:00.000-06:00

Beautiful Saturday morning...

So yeah...today has been gorgeous! I am beginning to understand why depression is more common up north...where there are real winters. It's so depressing to go outside everyday to GRAY...graygraygray...all day long. I walked outside yesterday (only half gray sky) and was so excited to see a little blue up there. I don't think I could stand an entire winter out of the south...

So after church today, Adriane (my friend from church) came to have lunch with Ben and me. Adriane is probably my only real friend at church...I mean I like all the people there, and I love the pastor and stuff...but besides Ben, Adriane is the only one I talk to on a regular basis. She's cool...she hung out with us for a good part of the afternoon.

Then Ben and I waxed my car...yeah that's right...my car...not the Buick!
The Buick died on Wednesday...poor guy. He'd given it his all. But you can only expect so much out of a car with 200,000 miles on it... (that's not an exaggeration...)

So, Ben gave me my graduation present early... a 2002 Pontiac Grand Prix! I LOVE it! I've entertained thoughts of driving home for the weekend soon just to be in that car for a while. :) Ben is amazing. Wednesday, my car died. He let me drive his truck Thursday and Friday. On Saturday morning, he handed me the keys to my new baby! (I love him. I mean, it's great that he got me a car...and, as I have stated, I love it. But, knowing that he cares enough about me to put effort into getting me a car in two days is amazing. He takes such good care of me...)

So yeah, we spent the afternoon washing and waxing my car. It looks amazing. I never knew exactly what a good coat of wax will do for a car. I'm sold. And completely in love (with my car and my fiance.) ;)

2006-02-08T16:18:00.000-06:00

Here's to the nice girls...

I read this and half laughed. I decided to post it because I remember being one of these... Nice girls: just so you know...the end of this is not the end of the story. Hold out. Nice girls get what they deserve in the end. I know. Believe me...I know.

Thanks Miss Lacey...

"This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a party they never even want to be at, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who want the real dates but end up settling for meeting up at a bar/club, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

2006-02-06T15:48:00.000-06:00

Look at this!

A chick in our office got a huge boquet of flowers (including a dozen) roses from a thankful client. The roses were these two-tone red roses...I've never seen them before but they are GORGEOUS. I felt the need to share a pic with you all... They're like the hottest flowers I've ever seen!

2006-02-05T17:59:00.000-06:00

Accomplishing weekends are great...

I took the GRE on Saturday morning.
I went Wedding Dress shopping after I finished.

Yay for two successful ventures.

P.S. My roommate got up at 6:30 AM with me and hung out in Tyler all by herself for almost four hours while I tested just so she could go dress shopping with me. She gets the Roommate of the Year Award.

2006-01-27T10:10:00.000-06:00

First test of the semester: Speech!

So far, I'm enjoying the elective filled semester...I'm hoping it stays this relaxed.

Ben and I have a date with Cathy and Demetri this weekend! Yay for Demetri coming into town.

Quote of the week:

Deena: "Babe, we're going out to eat with Cathy and Demetri this weekend."
Ben: "Demetri is in town?? YES!!! I LOVE DEMETRI!"
Deena: "You'd think that if a man was coming between this relationship, it would be my fault...but no..."

2006-01-16T11:17:00.000-06:00

Yeah...

I bought Prada shoes. This is me --> :-D

2005-12-21T11:11:00.000-06:00

2005

January
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? NO...I knew I wouldn't keep it.
2. Who kissed you at midnight? No one...I guess 2006 will be my first ever kiss at midnight on new years.
3. Does it snow where you live? oh...once a year...if we're lucky
4. Do you like hot chocolate? mmmm...YES
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? No...but that would be superfun.

February
1. Who was your valentine in 2005? No one! (Ben and I didn't have our first date until February 19th)
2. What did your valentine get you? Once again...I think I got a late Valentine's present...Ben
3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? Ohh yeah. I still like the little cheesy cards hahaha. I think I did that up through my Sophomore year (here at LU)...

March
1. Are you Irish? No...but kiss me anyway.
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? oh yeah! I didn't wanna get pinched!
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005? Not much...I was headed home from Denver I think...and I was pretty busted up...

April
1. Do you like the rain? I'm only happy when it rains... nah...but I do like it. especially if it's just a little and it's lightening
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? No...danggit...not this year. Once again, busted from spring break.
3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter? lol yeah i got a carepackage for like the first time ever from my mom!

May
1. What's your favorite kind of flower? gerbra daisies, roses, lilies...depends on my mood. i really just love flowers.
2. Do you like the spring? mmm yeah. things start coming alive again
3. What would you think of as a spring color? anything pastel.

June
1. What year did you graduate from school? 2002 (but that was in May...why is this a June question?)
2. Did you go on any vacations in June? Lol..no...I wanted to, but, once again...I'd just gotten off of my IV at the end of may.... June was a happy month for me. Ben told me he loved me at the end of June...

July
1. What did you do on the 4th of July? went to my aunt's house. Ben came...he met my mom and two of my sisters...that was such a great weekend.
2. Do you go on any vacations during this month? nope...other than 4th at aunt tresa's ... i worked my bootay off.
August
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer? Yeah, Ben and I took a long weekend and went to Mississippi so he could meet the rest of my family.
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05? falling in love with Ben
3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer? actually yeah...we went to the lake a ton
4. Do you go to the beach a lot? nope...just the lake...so fun

September
1. Did you attend school/college in '05? Ohh yeah, finished Junior year, started Senior year!
2. Who is/was your favorite teacher? Dr. Hood (now that Dr. Hetzel is at STUPID BAYLOR!!)
3. Do you like fall better than summer? I LOVE FALL...for the two weeks that we get it...

October
1. What was your favorite Halloween costume ever?um...I've only dressed up like twice in my whole life. haha so last year the four roommates dressed up like "R.G.'s Angels" and I was the bad angel or reject and I wore all black. I suppose I was akin to Demi in Charlie's Angels 2...which I didn't see...wow what a bunny trail....maybe i'll be a bunny next year...hahaha
2. What's your favorite candy? dove chocolate...omg i love it.
3. What did you dress up like this year? nada

November
1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving? I usually go to my house...but this year, I got to spend Thanksgiving with Ben and his family. My first major holiday with someone else's family!
2. Do you love stuffing? no...I love dressing. there is a HUUUGE difference. And I don't care who's stuffing/dressing you've had, my dad's is the best.
3. What are you thankful for? I don't think I could lsit it all here... my constant comfort in Christ, my earthy comfort in Ben, my life, my family, my passion, my calling...the list goes on and on...

December
1. Do you celebrate Christmas? shya!! I <3 Jesus.
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? um....yeah but only on the cheek. I'm hoping for a chance to get a real kiss under the mistletoe this year!
3. What do you want this year for Christmas? I dunno...I didn't ask for anything but my mom said she found the perfect gift!
4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas? I'm not sure. Maybe this year I'll get the best present ever.
5. Do you like cold weather? YEAH!!! cold weather is cuddle weather!!! And I luh-huh-huuv to cuddle!

2005-12-16T18:32:00.000-06:00

haha...

Phil said that he thought I was reusing posts...but he'd just read the same one over and over...okay okay...it's been too long. I know.

Truth is, I've barely had time for much of anything this semester (in case you hadn't noticed.)

School is over now. Thank God. I made it through...still waiting on the grades...but expecting a 3.8 for the semester.

Thursday after my last final, I went and had my wisdom teeth removed. So I'm sitting here with a partially swollen left jaw and the beginnings of pain. I'm waiting for that last Darvocet to kick in.

Ben's been great...but I'm going to post that part on our blog.

Love to you all!

2005-11-21T14:22:00.000-06:00

I'm in love with the most amazing guy...

This guy, yeah, this one, is responsible for making me the happiest girl in the world.

2005-11-10T11:57:00.000-06:00

Gotta love class jokes...

This morning in gender psych, I thought I was going to die laughing. We were discussing the dynamics of family, what constitutes a family, and how families can be changed.

During a slightly heated discussion of the abilities to choose who your family is...the conversation followed as something like this.

Dr. Sheafer: "So Tim can go find a duck and say they're "together" and be a family then?"
Brian: "No...well..that's different. It's a duck!"
Jenny (randomly): "Ducks mate for life!"
Dr. Sheafer: "So it's okay if it's a duck because they mate for life."
Deena: "Yeah...dogs and cats are whores. People should get with ducks or penguins."

I'm beginning to see the oddities that others see in us I think... hahaha

2005-11-07T15:32:00.000-06:00

So I read this article...

Someone emailed me an article from 1955's Good Housekeeping or something...about being a good wife. You can read it here. (I'm opposed to double posting.)

I think the funniest one to me was them saying that the husband is the master, therefore, the woman has no place to ever question his judgment in decisions or how he spends his time. Oh and that anything the husband had to say was more important than what you (the wife) might have to say...

My how times have changed...

2005-10-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

Hey, check it out...

Ben and Deena's Blog

...and no, I'm not retiring Deena's World. It's been with me much too long! :)

Much love to you all.

2005-10-24T09:23:00.000-05:00

Conversation from the Summer...

I found this on another friend's site. (Thanks Ryan!)

Deena Ree 16: i created it
Deena Ree 16: but only bc ppl keep saying
Deena Ree 16: <3
ensoniq8: yeah
Deena Ree 16: looks like boobs
ensoniq8: haha
Deena Ree 16: and it obviously does not
Deena Ree 16: i was just proving a point
ensoniq8: ummm....it kinda does
Deena Ree 16: i'm just sayin'
ensoniq8:
Deena Ree 16: nooo
Deena Ree 16: it looks like a heart
Deena Ree 16: you boys just don't get enough boobage yet
Deena Ree 16: lol
Deena Ree 16: one day
Deena Ree 16: one day
Deena Ree 16: when you're married
ensoniq8: one can only hope
Deena Ree 16: and you get all the boobs you want
Deena Ree 16: you'll look back
Deena Ree 16: and think
Deena Ree 16: "deena was right"
Deena Ree 16: "it doesn't look like boobs."
Deena Ree 16: hahaha
Deena Ree 16: i'm just sayin. i'm not ashamed. i got nothin to hide.
Deena Ree 16: except my boobs
Deena Ree 16: hahahaha

Wow...i mean what do you say to that....except "boob me" <3

2005-10-22T18:16:00.000-05:00

Another one of those things...

Two names you go by:
1. Deena
2. Baby (or a variety of other new nicknames I love now that I'm coupled...haha)

Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. French
2. German

Two Things That Scare You:
1. Scary men who stare at you
2. The thought of not being good at what I do.

Two of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Talk to Ben (multiple times)
2. Brush my teeth (also multiple times)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. My glasses
2. Black velour pants that feel O-So-Goood

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
1. Missy Higgins
2. Jason Mraz

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Exactly what I have...
2. I think the first one encompasses both answers...

Two Truths:
1. Everything in life depends on your attitude. Being positive and optimistic (and even dreaming a little) makes life so much better.
2. Taking the optimism, positivity, and dreams to the next level and making them reality is completely possible...but you have to DO something about it.

Two things You hate:
1. When people don't respect themselves enough to make other people respect them.
2. Guys who are mean to girls. (espeically nice girls)

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You:
1. mouth (teeth, lips, the whole shebang)
2. eyes...big blue eyes ;)

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Helping people reach their potential.
2. Going to the lake with Ben.

Two Places You Want to Visit:
1. England
2. Switzerland

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Make a significance in the world.
2. Make the man I love the happiest man in the world.

Two Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick/Guy:
1. I am a trend whore
2. I need to be needed.

Two Ways you're like the opposite sex
1. When I see a problem that is in my power to fix, I want to fix it.
2. I don't do the whole pre-teen-baby-momma-drama crap.

2005-10-18T20:52:00.000-05:00

The ladies of 16C pimped it HARD at FallFest!

There's a little glimpse of us. To my girls: SO glad we all got to be there together this year! Seniors baby!

A little glimpse at another wonderfulment...

He's so great. Pimpin it even better than I did... ;)

Things are great. Funny story...We had a bit of an argument the other day. I was really upset actually...frustrated and stuff. What were we arguing about? We were both highly inconvenienced by the other one trying to put us before themselves...hmmm... I told him that if any girl knew what I was arguing with him about, she'd prolly shoot me.

I later shared with Jenny what we argued about and she said, "I'd like to shoot you in the left foot, ask you if it hurt, then shoot you in the right foot. And in the hand...the left one cause then you'd still have to do homework."

HAHAHA...

My boy loves me. It's the kind of love that is so good, you even wish it on the people you can't stand. I hope everyone gets to experience what I get every day.

2005-10-06T16:51:00.000-05:00

Could I be any more of a slacker with this thing these days??

The answer is yes...if I didn't take the time to post...such as now. hehe.

I'm busy. That's the understatement of the year. Work, classes, left-over classes from last semester, homework, church, Ben, my apartment ladies...pretty sure my life is filled up to the brim. I'm loving it though.

Things are great. Life is grand. I may have more on my plate now than I have in a while...but for the first time in a while I'm not trying to do it on my own...kinda sad how we just get busy and God takes the backseat, when He's the one who makes things easier or at least more bearable. I'm so thankful for what He's teaching me these days...so thankful that He doesn't leave...and is ready to take over again as soon as we're willing to let Him. Why do I have to be so stubborn and think that I should have to handle it all myself?

2005-09-26T16:59:00.000-05:00

Now this is funny...

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Elvis is dead.

2. Jesus was not White.

3. Rap music is here to stay

4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.

5. Skinny does not equal sexy.

6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.

7. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.

8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5

9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.

10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Hickey's are not attractive.

2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.

3. Jesus is not a name for your son.

4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.

5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.

6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.

7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.

8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.

9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family

10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. O. J. did it.

2. Tupac is dead.

3. Teeth should not be decorated.

4. Weddings should start on time.

5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.

6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.

7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.

8. Church does not require expensive clothes.

9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.

10.Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car

2005-09-25T18:03:00.000-05:00

The day Hurrican Rita hit East Texas will be remembered...

AS A BLAST!!!

Hahaha...I had one of the best days yesterday. I went to get my hair cut/highlighted...it is awesome. I drove back to my apartment during prolly the worst part of the storm. Then, Ben came to get me and I came over to his house. I did a little homework, we watched a couple of hours of friends and just laughed and talked. Then we ate dinner and made cookies. After that, we just sat around and enjoyed each other's company until he took me back home. It was great.

I hear most other people had just as good of a day. My roommates played in the rain...err the hurricane...err the tropical storm...whatever.

I just read this under a list of hobbies:

"...and enjoying Eye Candy, the figure friendly treat!"

I laughed a lot. I hope you do too.

Love you all. <3
Love me back. <3

2005-09-21T15:24:00.000-05:00

Only me...

Today, I was at work wearing my cute white linen pants. Well, I was minding my own business when, suddenly, the left half of the string waist released itself from the back where it was once attached. This sent my pants into a plummeting position...since they are linen and have no waist besides the drawstring...

So, I almost underwear-flashed a couple of lawyers and that would have been uber embarassing. The only thing more embarassing? I had to walk around (holding my pants up mind you) and ask everyone if they, by chance, had a needle and thread on them. Not so much...

Only me...well, maybe Kerri...but only us...

2005-09-19T19:36:00.000-05:00

After all this time...

LeTourneau finally got The Facebook...a year behind the rest of the civilized world.

So yeah...
Facebook me!

2005-09-18T16:32:00.000-05:00

2005-09-18T13:54:00.000-05:00

Yesterday...

GORGEOUS lake day...Brad, Marybeth, Ben and I spent the day just cruisin in the boat. Brad was the only one who wanted to tube yesterday...I think if he had it to do all over again, he would have followed the crowd and stayed in the boat. Poor guy...got torn up...literally. He got a massive cut from the tube rope when the tube swung him around and wrapped around his upper leg... yeah... then he got in the boat and realized the magnitude of the situation...long cut...really close to delicate places. Hence the quote of the day:

Ben: "Brad, I didn't mean to hurt your crotch!"

I think the funniest part of the whole day was when we saw a huge dead fish in the water. Brad was on the tube...so I told Ben that we should take Brad right near the fish because that's just disgusting. Well...Ben is a really good aim with where he swings the tube...Brad definately slapped the fish with his foot! EW...then he got on the boat to find that the fish had cut his lil toe. aww...hehehe. It was a trip.

So yeah...I have a test to study for. I'll holla back sometime soon... (even though I ain't no holla back girl! That's for you, Ryan.)

Love me! <3

2005-09-16T00:24:00.000-05:00

Best voice mail in the world:

"Hey you gorgeous display of feminine perfection. Call me back on my cell."

Uh yeah... save that.

Tonight I went to Emily Walton's 21st Birthday party....HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM!!!
Soo many people were there that I've been missing. Since I dropped my minor and am working hard on my last year's worth of classes...I've been kind of M.I.A. Sad thing...but it was great to see people (Em, Rach, Viv, Brit, La, Brad, PatMays!, Adam, Kanoe, etc. etc. etc.)

I've been studying for a test in History and Systems of Psychology. In all seriousness...and with the least amount of biased-mess that is in my body...psychologists are the freaks of history. No lie. I'm glad it's changed and that now we're freaking amazing. hehe You know you think the same thing. If not, you're highly uninformed and severly uneducated and you can come see me in a few years and pay me to fix you. And if that doesn't work, I'll hook you up to probes and use some sort of strange shock therapy.... *snap* whoa...ahh...uhh...I'm back now. Sorry about that...

Hahaha...I hope you're all having a great week!

Love me <3

2005-09-10T09:31:00.000-05:00

By popular request...

Here we are...

So yeah, for those of you who read this and haven't met him...that's Ben. He's great. I love him. hehehe. :)

2005-09-08T18:03:00.000-05:00

I'm better...yay!

I was somewhat contrary while I was sick and rebelliously chose not to post while I was sniffling and drowsy. I'm better now. :)

Today was cool...I got my teeth cleaned...I had to get up superearly...but my mouth is superfresh.

I saw Julz today! I miss her not being on campus...
I walked into the Education Building's computer room and Julz and I looked at each other (both of us were wearing skirts and tanktops) and she said "Your skirt is cuter than mine is!" Irony of ironies...I'd just thought that same thing about hers. haha girls are dumb. I love being a girl. Does deductive logic imply that I love being dumb then? hmmm....

Oh know what else I love? My boyfriend. He's just cool. I think everyone should date someone that they can't hang out with enough. I called him when I got up this morning and when I got off the phone, Cathy said, "You two are too cute. I couldn't hear what you were saying or anything, but the whole time you were just giggling and laughing when you talked to him." :)

So yeah...to those that I haven't seen since school's started back...I'm around sometimes... My cell is the easiest way to get a hold of me!

Love me. <3

2005-09-05T11:14:00.000-05:00

I'm kinda sick...

For real...I haven't been sick in forever...and I woke up a few days ago like, "I can't breathe."

I just took an Amoxicilin and two Tylenol Severe Sinus with the last swig of my Full Throttle Energy Drink (servings per container...2). I really wonder how my body is going to respond to antibiodics, tylenol, and the energy drink all at once. Chemical overload maybe. But at least I'll be awake enough to remember if I'm feeling better...

I do have a great boyfriend though. :) Last night he insisted that I find some kind of kleenex with lotion so that my nose doesn't get raw while I'm wiping it all the time. "It's to cute to hurt." He's been taking care of me all weekend. That's quite a feat considering that I'm grouchy when I'm sick...I hate being sick...

Week two is beginning. Why do we have to go to class on Labor Day? If there's a national holiday, isn't it a national rule that everyone observes it??? LABOR DAY people...means we get a day off of LABOR. But no, we must labor with classes and homework regardless.

If we must endure the pains of class on Labor Day, they should at least offer us some kind of educational epidural so that we feel no pain...

2005-08-30T11:43:00.000-05:00

Back to school, back to school...

Today in our first class (Gender Psychology), my roommate looked across the table and lipped to me, "I think I forgot to put deoderant under my right arm..."

Ha.

It's going to be a good year...

I do find myself more focused this morning...concerning the beginning of the semester. I'm feeling good. I have my second class in fifteen minutes and it's funny, but I'm really excited about Physiological Psychology. Ok, I know...I've been at LU a little too long...I'm a nerd now.

Glad you're all back around...hope all of your semesters are focused, successful and fun!

Love me <3

2005-08-20T14:47:00.000-05:00

Firsts and Lasts

FIRSTS--->

First best friend: Heather Shake (We've been friends since we were six and nine months old...I just saw her when I went home last weekend!)

First crush: Steven White (First Grade...He used to call me pretty and I would stick my tongue out at him.)

First car: 1994 Eagle Talon that I bought when I was 16

First kiss: My 19th Birthday

First screen name: deenaree16...yeah i know i still have it! maybe that's why i have a billion people on my buddy list...

First funeral: I don't remember my first funeral...my uncle or my grandmother. I was litte.

First album: I think it was Leann Rimes when I was like ten.

First pets: I'm not sure what my first pets were...we always had a million. dogs, cats, turtles, ducks, rabbits, fish...we had it all...

First piercing/tattoo: Ears when I was like two

First big trip: From Mississippi to Texas to see family when I was in first grade.

First time skiing: Senior year in high school spring break. I hung with the boys! (Last time, was this past spring break...once again, I hung with the boys...didn't work as well for me this time...)

First concert: well...i think it was point of grace back in the day.

First alcoholic drink: HAHA...this is going to show my redneck side. The first alcohol I ever tasted was Moonshine!

First ticket violation: Parking tickets this summer. That's right...I've never gotten a ticket. I've been stopped...but never got the ticket.

First job: babysat from 12-14...but the first real job was waitress/server at a lil hometown restaurant/bar b q place when i was 14

First date: hmmm maybe homecoming when i was in high school? I'm honestly not sure...didn't "date" in high school much...just hung out with people lol.

First myspace friend: milo

LASTS---->

Last car ride: Home to work

Last kiss: Ben

Last time u cried: Yesterday...too much stuff came at me at once...

Last movie watched: Technically, we watched SNL Best of Chris Farley and then Will Farrell...but last movie was The Notebook...so good!

Last food you ate: Banana Pudding that I made

Last crush: Ben

Last item bought: Manicure kit from Target...Ben got the same one! ;)

Last annoyance: I was annoyed yesterday that I wasn't in the best mood.

Last time wanting to die: ummm that usually only once a month...hahaha

Last shirt worn: A T-Shirt to sleep in

Last concert: Jack Johnson...with Ben, Brad and Marybeth. So good!

Last phone call: Talked to Ben as soon as I woke up this morning...he was driving to Dallas.

Last time at the mall: Too long ago! I wanna go shopping really badly right now...I have a feeling I'll be making my way over there soon...

And I'll leave you with some lyrics. I bought Anna Nalick's CD...good stuff.

She don't run from the sun no more
She boxed her shadow and she won
Said I can see you laugh
Through these bottle caps
And this wire around my neck aint
There for fun

But someday we'll all be old
And I'll be so damn beautiful

2005-08-15T08:21:00.000-05:00

"She get it from her mama..."

I'm at home! Ben and I got here like 8:30 Friday night after we both got off work. Yes...worked half days then drove seven hours. Fun stuff, lemme tell ya.

Home has been a BLAST this trip. My family likes Ben more than they like me...hehe j/j...but maybe not.

It's been a full trip already. I have gotten to see almost everyone I wanted to see and a few more...We went to Nita and Drew's reception...Paige pulled a gun on Ben...We both got manicures from my sister...Tanya is now referring to Ben as HER boyfriend (well, i mean he DID watch the Garfield movie with her)...the Bohon men are fans of the Ben...we had sushi one night (SO GOOD. and yeah...I had raw salmon sushi. AND I LIKED IT!)

We went out to eat at La Fiesta last night with Matt and Jessi. I have SO MISSED my Mexican food here! (Yeah, bite me Texans...your Tex-Mex doesn't compare.) Then we went to Wal Mart and ran around buying cleansing products. I mean, you can't buy deoderant without someone else telling you it smells good, right???

Well, it's about eight thirty and I'll be showering soon. I hope everyone has been enjoying this weekend as much as I have!

Love me <3

2005-08-09T10:37:00.000-05:00

I'd forgotten...

It's amazing the things you forget. You can never really grasp the magnitude of your forgetfulness because...well...you just can't remember something like that.

I'd forgotten how great it was to have a built in best friend...Jessi has been here for a weekend. She's at my Aunt's house right now and I already miss her. She and I have always been pretty close...I mean we're barely a year apart in age...we did everything together.

When you're young, and you fight with your siblings, your parents always tell you that you will appreciate each other when you're older. "One day, you'll be best friends."

I don't think that day ever came. I think I was best friends with all of my siblings forever, it's just gradually been something I realized. I mean a best friend is someone who knows everything about you, loves you in spite of it, and likes you enough to put up with it. We Bohon kids have given and taken a lot of crap from each other for a long time now. I wouldn't trade them for anything. ;)

It's been another one of those realization things...I have been living in Texas for three years now. It's so strange though...there are few people who I feel like really know me. How long does that take?? I just forget what it's like to not feel like I have to explain things about myself for fear that I will be misinterpreted. Friends back home...they've known me for years...they know what I do and who I am...no explanations needed. Sometimes I just need a good dose of that.

I am excited to be going home Friday. I'm really excited that Ben gets to go with me. It's really cool how much you learn about someone else when you see them in their element...working, home or school; when people are in their "niche," it makes their true personality just radiate. I'm excited that he gets to see the places that were important to me before I made it here. He will get to meet the people that are halfway responsible for who I've become. I think it's the first time in three years that my two lives will mesh on some level...

2005-08-04T16:46:00.000-05:00

I don't have time to post...

...buuut I'm going to anyway.

So I took the day off of work. So much to do. In the midst of the running and stuff, I took a break to run the loop and take a bath. With the best mineral salts in the world. (Maybe they're just the best because they were custom made for me...oh yeah, you heard it right. Custom Made.)

I started a book. Catrina recommended it to me back at the beginning of the summer, but I didn't pick it up until today finally. For any person of the female persuasion reading this, you should go order Do You Think I'm Beautiful? by Angela Thomas. I read a Chapter. I already think it's fantastic.

This part really hit home with me this afternoon:

I am realizing that at least half of my life has passed, and I've spent most of it trying to deny the way God made me. Afraid to be strong for fear of being prideful. Afraid not to please for fear of being rejected. Afraid to ask the questions from my soul for fear they'd never find answers. So afraid that one wrong step would ruin everything. Afraid to say out loud what my heart longs for...afraid that longings are sin and God wouldn't understand. Afraid to admit that I am a woman who longs to be desired, longs to be rescued, and longs to be called beautiful.

And so I have spent way too many years standing around the edge of my life trying to convince myself tha tI do not want to be Cinderella. Pretending that I really didn't come to dance. I have concocted a few lies to make life hurt less and then forced myself to live them. Besides, glass slippers probably pinch your toes.

Now there's a nice dose of reality for most of you out there. For the girls, I bet most of you can relate to that on some level. For the guys...take a good look at the hard core fears of most women you've ever encountered. Makes you wonder how people mastered the art of pretending everything's greeeat.

I forgot how much I love to read. And I forgot that it makes me want to write even more. And speak. And such.

Well, since I didn't have time to post, I should go do whatever it is I need to do anyway...

Love me. <3

2005-08-01T14:30:00.000-05:00

In America, we...

Hehehe...Freshman year, so many of my roommate's and my explanations started out like that. Funny stuff...explaining to people who just didn't understand.

In America, we don't stand nose-to-nose with the person with whom we're speaking. American's have what is called "personal space..."

Caught up with a few people this weekend. Joe and Troy both called me Sunday (at practically the same time.) Good to hear from those two...both are doing well it sounds! It's the end of summer catch-up. Kerr and I have been playing phone tag for the past two days. And I finally talked to a couple of friends back home that I'd been missing!
(P.S. In a week and a half, I'll see most of you!!!!)

Yeah...Jessi will be here Friday afternoon! And the following Friday, I'll be headed home to Mississippi for a loong weekend. oh yes! (And Ben is coming with me!!! That makes me extra-happy.)

I don't know how the weekend could be any better...Ben and I are going to Mississippi...I haven't been home since Christmas...I'm freakin' excited...I think I just realized that...

Convo of the week:

Deena Ree 16: what's your favorite color?
Jesus Fished 2: I dont know
Jesus Fished 2: which makes it difficult I know
Jesus Fished 2: but I still want you to know it
Jesus Fished 2: or at least know that the most fashion fatal thing a metro can do is to have a favorite color
Jesus Fished 2: we have to experience
Jesus Fished 2: explore
Jesus Fished 2: mix, match, & marry

2005-07-26T18:14:00.000-05:00

Music has a way of meeting you where you are...

Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will
To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled.
Point your fingers and laugh if you choose
To say my beloved is borrowed and used.

She is strong enough to stand in My love.
I can hear her say

"I am weak.
I'm poor.
I'm broken, Lord,
But I'm yours.
Hold me now."

I listened to that song today for the first time since I was in high school actually. It's so strange...because it reminded me so vividly of the place I was in when that song meant a lot to me. I can remember one afternoon sitting in my room on the floor against my door so no one could come in with this song on repeat just crying and praying. It was about all I could do at that point. I didn't understand everything I was feeling and going through. No one else could either...no one seemingly had the time or effort to try to understand me.

I can remember feeling so desperately hollow. Shallow and broken. I didn't know how to make it better. But the idea that God still looked at me...as weak and broken as I was...and dared other people to call me borrowed, used, broken and worthless. It was one of those moments...I think about it now and realize it was the only thing that kept me going at that point. Was knowing that my God...my savior...looked at my broken state that I didn't even understand and saw beauty. He saw grace and love. He saw the woman I am becoming...who He created me to be...fulfilling the purposes He has placed on my life.

It's a beautiful thing.

2005-07-22T09:50:00.000-05:00

16C has moved to the dorms...

It's true...they made us move out. It was pretty depressing...we had to move a LOT of stuff...holy crap. But yes...the ladies of Summer 16C are now in Quad 4...in fact, we're living in NateTodd's old suite. It's weird to be in the room and not see the Canadian flag flying in the window. hahahaha (P.S. Nate--I ordered a T-Shirt you're gonna LOVE!)

Em, Jen and I have been having a blast living together this summer. I swear...some of the most hilarious conversations are born out of the mindwanderings of the three of us.

I think my sister is coming down to see me the first weekend in August. I'm going home the following weekend for my best friend's reception at home...so that'll be cool. Hmmm...wonder what I should do to show her a good time in 'ole Longview... hahahaha

Quote of the week:

Deena: Now that's hott!!
Emily: Speaking of hott, I have a gyno appointment tomorrow.

Emily: I'm going to have to break the awkwardness with a line like, "Soo...ya come here often?"
Deena: Just don't cry and tell them you love them afterwards...

2005-07-19T10:35:00.000-05:00

Ok, so my boyfriend complained that I hadn't posted in a while...

I'm sorry, I know all you loyal readers have been horribly disappointed at the absence of the details of the exciting life of Deena Bohon. Well, it is quite the exciting place these days.

I have a confession to make. It's well known that I'm somewhat of the talker... I have a lot of opinions and feel free to share them at most any time. I especially tend to have opinions and thoughts and feelings concerning relationships in general. (Well, come on people, this is what I want to be doing forever...I'm not studying psych for nothing...)

So yeah, anyone who knows me beyond a simple hello has had an indepth conversation with me concerning relationships. You members of the male persuasion know how I feel about you all... You members of the female persusasion have heard my constant cautions against settling for less than what you deserve...and need...and want. You have all heard my consistent reiterations that I would settle for nothing less than all of the above.

I know what I want. I have for a long time. It's pretty specific. And I have a confession to make.

I honestly didn't really believe that I'd ever get exactly what I wanted. I didn't know if my theories that there really was someone out there that matched what I felt I needed and wanted...and would want to invest himself in me as much as I'm willing to invest in someone else.

I was told once when I was younger that I should not expect a prince to sweep me off my feet unless I made myself a princess worthy of such an action. I was young...maybe 10. From that moment, I wanted to be that princess...worthy of being swept away. (Reminds me of a quote: No woman wakes up in the morning and says, "I don't really want to be swept off my feet today.") I knew I had a lot to offer. I just honestly expected to have to settle. It's kind of hard to admit that, since I like for people to recognize that I have a lot of respect for myself. But it's true.

Well...I have another confession:

I was right all along.
Now that, I like to admit. hehehe

I got what I wanted. I got what I needed. I'm happier than I've been in probably my entire life.

It's true ladies...you don't have to settle. There are guys out there that will meet...dare I say supercede...your expectations. (Mine supercedes my expectations every day...and that is quite amazing.)

For once in my life, I feel like I realize why I am the way I am. I think they call that validation. :)

Well, I'm out. I promise I won't wait as long to update anymore. I've' missed it!

Love ya long time. <3

2005-07-10T11:49:00.000-05:00

Words of wisdom...

I love strong women. I always have. I've always wanted to be one.
Not the "Femi-nazi-man-hating-let's-get-together-and-burn-our-bras" type women. Those chicks are scary. And annoying. I'm talking about the women who have spent their lives to make themselves into virtuous and upstanding models for all of the other females on the planet.

Virtuous...I looked it up...because I'm a little bit of a nerd like that. ;)

Of course we all know it means being of moral excellence. Which is noble and good and all that...
But one of the definitions struck me. "An efficatious quality." Having qualities that are capable of producing a desired effect. Meaning...an ability to make things happen... Efficatious even says "having a striking effect." Women...dare I say people...who are virtuous should possess qualities that have a striking effect on other people. Now that's hot. :)

Maya Angelou said this: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Mmm...I want to learn all of that now. I don't want to sit in a chair some day when I'm old telling my kids and grandkids that my life taught me those things. I want to tell them that I learned those thing when I was their age...and lived by them.

People always say, "If only I'd known then what I know now..."
I wonder what I'll say in the future if I live now like those people wish they had...

2005-07-05T22:49:00.000-05:00

I'm not the average girl from your video...

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing
I will always be Deena Maree

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see.

So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine...

Alright, so where I included my name, Ms. India.Arie originally put her own. But man, I'm crazy about that song. I love love love hearing things from women who have a good head on their shoulders. That's just part of the song...but it's raw and real...and I love it.

I wish every woman had that kind of confidence in herself. Alright ladies. Read it. It's truth. :)

Ok...so I hope all of you had a great fourth of July weekend.

If I even began to write about mine on here, I'd never shut up. I'm gonna hafta give July 4, 2005 the stamp of approval. Best America's Birthday I've ever celebrated...

I did spend two days at the lake. I'm quite the brown girl these days. Yay for a boy who loves boats.

Speaking of my boy...he's in Branson right now. I miss him. I don't know if he'll read this...but I sure miss him. :)

I got to see two of my sisters this weekend. And my mom. Man it was great. I'm ready to go spend a weekend at home now. Tanya (my three year old sister) wanted to come back to Longview with us. :) She liked Ben. In fact, her exact words to me were, "Deena, Ben is my favorite person in the whole world." Now that's a high compliment comin' from that little lady...

Got quite the array of responses last time! Amazing what a few expectations will do! Glad to hear from you all again...love ya!!!

2005-07-01T10:53:00.000-05:00

Two years...

Yeah...that's right. Yesterday completed two years of this blog. My life in electronic form... Funny how time passes, things change...It's so cool to look back and see where I was exactly a year ago...completely different place than I am today. I can tell where I've grown. I remember what stretched me. It's a great feeling when you know you've gotten through it.

It's about eleven...I'm ready to be gone from work. This weekend is looking to be a blast...such a fitting expectation for the weekend after the past week. Hanging out with good friends...seeing the mom and sisters...spending all that time with him...

Um, yes. This weekend will be fantastic.

What are y'all doin for the fourth? (And yes...I do expect responses from a few of you whom I haven't heard from in a while...)

Quote of the week:

Catrina was talking about how much she likes Jason Mraz:

Deena: You're all about the Jasons, aren't you?
Catrina: Too bad you're all about the Benjamins, baby!!!

2005-06-28T10:43:00.000-05:00

I got to see Catrina this weekend!

Oh yes...She and Jason came into town and had dinner Saturday night with a bunch of us. Jenny, Trina and I got in some quality time while we ate...I was reminded how much I HATE it that she's in Houston this summer. I miss my twin! hahahaha.

The rest of my life is going quite incredibly. My mom and two of my sisters are coming to Texas for the Fourth of July. I get to go see them the weekend they come in. He's coming with me. I'm a happy girl. :)

OH and Emily, Jen and I are going to a Lifehouse concert in a week! I'm so excited...it's been too long since I had a good dose of high quality, live music.

Peace amigos. <3

2005-06-25T11:47:00.000-05:00

I finally did it!

After months of neglect post-accident, I got my hair cut. Yes. And I had it done differently this time... She straghtened it before she cut it...so I have a cute straight cut. I haven't seen it curly yet. I didn't get much cut off the length...but new and different layers. And I have a some long, angled bangs. I think it's cute. :)

And I'm getting it colored next weekend.

Which is even longer overdue.

Thanks to all of you who didn't shun me for not keeping up with the haircuts over the past semester. You are all good sports. Real troopers.

Oh and the week was crap...so much extra stuff to do at work...so much not in my job description. But I sucked it up. I took it like a champion. And by Friday, when both of my bosses were out of the office and a few things HAD to get filed Federally...I pulled through...and earned myself a bonus. Oh yeah. Oh freaking heck yes.

It's the weekend, baby. Cheers.

2005-06-21T21:45:00.000-05:00

The title that I've acquired recently would be that of "girlfriend."

Yes. It's true. I know most of you thought it would never happen. ha. And I know some of you are thinking that it's sudden and very un-Deena-like...but I can assure you that you are wrong.

I could type a bunch of stuff about him on here telling you how amazing he is, but it'd be much too long for a blog post. And all of you would accuse me of making him up. (For a while, I kinda wondered myself if I'd made him up...) I'll just say this. He's incredible. I'm smitten.

I just found out today that he reads this thing. [Hi ;)]

Now I think it's time for me to bid you adeu. Not forever. Just for tonight.

Love <3

2005-06-19T12:25:00.000-05:00

So I seem to have acquired a title that I haven't held in quite some time.

I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't hate it.

2005-06-16T20:57:00.000-05:00

Did I wear a cowboy hat??

Richard wanted to know if I wore a cowboy hat to the rodeo...um HECK YES!!!

::singing:: I wanna be a cowboy baby...

Man the weeks are just slammed full and there's not that much going on besides work. I did get a nice two hour lunch break today. Vera nice. :)

Quote of the week:

Emily: Deena-You are going to make someone a GREAT wife someday.
Deena: Aww, thanks Em!!
Emily: Sooo....will you marry me?

Hahaha...16C has TOO MUCH FUN. Always.

Oh and the must have item for the summer is a water resistant white board in the shower.

2005-06-12T19:20:00.000-05:00

Such a full weekend!

Holy cow...weekends as good as this one make full work weeks well worth the effort.

Friday night - Cowboy it up baby, I went to a rodeo.

Saturday - Lake day...my first day cleared to play! I got to go tubin'!!!

Saturday evening - Grill out with the grill master...mmmmm

Sunday - Church with the roomie, Boat show with the boys.

Can we say superfun and relaxing?

Things that made me smile this weekend: roommate inside jokes, being called "frau" (German word for "woman") by Lisa (little Swiss girl that I totally fell in love with this weekend), sweet text messages, tank top shopping, actually finding tank tops I bought!!!, talking with a friend that's it's been way too long since we talked, telling old secrets to a best friend

2005-06-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

Family ties...

LOL--I know, I know I've never neglected my blog like this before. What can I say, I have a life now? Ok just joking. I've always had a life. This little blog has just been a fun part of it. Hey, I like entertaining people with the funny stories of my life. Well I know most of you who read this aren't around here right now, so I'll post about something I've been learning...

I posted a lil while back about learning to appreciate the things and people in my life. For those of you who know me, and know anything about my life outside of LeTourneau, you know that my family is one of the best and most stressful things in my life. (I mean, it's like that for everyone, right?)

Without going into much detail, I'll just say that I often have difficulties knowing how to appreciate my parents. I love them both so much, and they love me too. There's no question there. And if something's happening, I'll be the first to do whatever I can to help. But most of that is due to my intense sense of loyality to people that I love. If I love someone...and by that I mean actively choose to love someone...my sense of devotion to them runs deep. And even when I don't feel it, my respect for that relationship remains static. That is one thing that I have never had change in me. And that respect is what keeps my relationships healthy even when I don't "feel" it. This is one thing that I have learned about myslef.

Well, lately, I have decided that I'm tired of just respecting the relationship I have with my parents. I'm tired of caring because that's just what I do. I really want to appreciate them. So, I've been making valient efforts to do that.

I always struggled with the balance between respecting my parents and being my own person. Because of my inheirant sense of independence, I have had an atypical relationship with them since I was young. My mom even said once that we grew up together. It's an odd life when the parent/child relationship is like that.

I've explained a little to friends before, and sometimes received the response of, "I'm sorry" or something similar.

Well, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. I am who I am today because of the way I grew up. And I'm not going to lie to you, I don't hate it. Was it difficult? Yeah, all the time. Is it still? Hell yeah. But if there's one thing I know it's this: If you love where you are, it's foolish to hate what got you there.

...and I'm spent.

Love <3

2005-06-01T15:51:00.000-05:00

It's a conspiracy!!!

Yesterday I forgot I was parked in a two hour parking zone...until I had been parked there for just over four hours. I was like "Oops!!! hehe." Then, I walked outside to leave...and I noticed that there was a little white piece of paper on my window. I gasped. A ticket? A parking ticket? How dare they...

I grabbed it off my window and turned to get into my car when I noticed that the parking ticket was still on my window. I looked down to see what had malfunctioned in my hand to prevent it from grabbing the ticket. No, the ticket was in my hand. "Deena, you're going crazy," I thought. I glanced back at my window with a laugh and then stopped short. There WAS still a ticket on the window. The jerk gave me two...yes TWO tickets...in one morning. One was timed for 11:30...the other 1:29. Anal cop with no life. I need to hurry and pay them while they're still seven bucks apiece...after a week they skyrocket to twenty each.

Sometimes, the law sucks.

2005-05-31T12:37:00.000-05:00

In spite of the craziness...
In spite of the hectic schedule...
In spite of the insecurities...
In spite of the not knowing concerning school...
In spite of the insanity I call my job...
In spite of the massive amount of school left to be done this summer...
In spite of it all...

Things are great. God is good. Life is fantastic. I'm happy.

Love to you all. <3

2005-05-29T10:40:00.000-05:00

So I picked up this book...

One of my summer room mates just got engaged, so she's reading a book about preparing for marriage. Normally, I'm not a big fan of these kinds of books. Don't get me wrong...I appreciate what most of them are trying to do...but I kind of group them in with all the Christian dating books that I read as a young, impresionable teenager and I tend to think negatively about those as well. A whole different story...we won't go there right now. hehe

So anyway, a quote caught my attention...I guess because it was C.S. Lewis. This is what he said:

We feasted on love; every mode of it, solemn and merry, romantic and realistic, sometimes as dramatic as a thunderstorm, sometimes comfortable and umemphatic as putting on your soft slippers. She was my pupil and my teacher, my subject and my sovereign, my trusty comrade, friend, shipmate, fellow-soldier. My mistress, but at the same time all that any man friend has ever been to me.

Holy crap. Now there's something to be said for that woman. How many women do you know that are actively making choices to be that kind of woman? Personally, I don't know as many as I wish I did. But that's amazing. For a man to write that about his wife...that's a big deal. She's my hero of the day.

2005-05-23T14:14:00.000-05:00

Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best belive that I'm not gonna wait

Alright...I feel the need to explain a little: Nicky's all concerned about who knows what. Ha. Just playin' Nick.

I heard this song today on the radio this afternoon. Pretty sure I love it.

I just think that people are way too often unsatisfied with circumstances in their lives that they forget to be happy. Sometimes, people are too focused on something they have deemed as "important" to take time to laugh and smile and get the most out of relationships and opportunities around them. I've seen so many people that are obsessed fate and destiny that they forget to enjoy what's happening right now.

This topic leads to one of my soapboxes...the one about the dissatisfaction of people (caused from their own selves) leading to things like divorce, cheating, abuse, neglect, and the like. We'll save that one for another day.

Basically, this is just my way of saying, "I'm not going to take the people and things around me for grantid." I'm learning to truly appreciate them. I love being happy. So you best believe that I'm not gonna wait around for happiness to find me. I'm finding it every day in the things that matter--the little things.

2005-05-22T22:39:00.000-05:00

"Deena...live your life. Stop worrying about your damn plan."

Ha...I have the most amazing roommates ever. They keep me grounded in their individual ways. I love them all.

This weekend was incredible. I went to the lake all day today. I'm tan. Yay.

Good times...funny how things in your life happen when you least expect them. God's awesome like that. Always throwing us curve balls when we think we have it all under control. I know that is one of my biggest struggles--just letting Him be in control. I do a good job on my own! (How arrogant???)

I love it that He's continuously teaching me how to live my life in a way that is for Him. I love it that He puts people in my life that make me want to do it even more.

Love me. <3

2005-05-19T16:53:00.000-05:00

I think I can handle this whole "grown up" thing...

You know...working 8-5, being tired at night, having fun on the weekends. I'm kinda diggin' it.

I had my final doctor's appointment as a result of the ski accident today!!! This means Deena is in a clean bill of health. One more month and I'll be 100% back to normal. Until then, I can start working out again and doing other things that would have made the healing process longer. Yay for being better!

Today, I read an article in Time about Laura Bush and her relationship with and to George W. I must say I admire that woman. (Everyone should go grab the new Time just to get a good picture of the balance between independence and support as a wife.)

Laura has it going on. She has her own views. Her own convictions. Her own mind. She's strong, balanced and has a great sense of humor. What's her number one agenda? Supporting George. That's why it works. She balances him. We need more women like her in today's world.

It's gonna be a good night. No class. Time for a little R&R.

Love me <3

2005-05-18T00:23:00.000-05:00

Ok, I think everyone needs to see this:

Rod and Susie

Look at that...yeah, that's Rod and Susie Hetzel...most of you at least know who they are. He was Associate head of the Psych Dept. and she was the Associate Dean of Student Services... they're more of mentors to me though. I love them.

Take a good look at that picture. I can't get over it... You can see how much she adores him. And he loves her just as much.

That's how I'm gonna be. I'm deciding that now. I may be all independent and a "go-getter," but I am gonna adore whoever it is that makes me the most happy in life.

Reason number 787 that the Hetzels are amazing.

Oh, and Nick is getting me addicted to these stupid quizzes again...lol.

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

2005-05-17T13:45:00.000-05:00

The Looorrrd made me hard to handle...

I was singing that earlier and Brad agreed. RWAR! Haha, I'm just joking. Actually, he did agree, but I'm not mad. I realize I can be quite the stubborn little woman sometimes, but I don't think it's out of hand. I'm okay with it. haha

I'm listening to one of the best mix CDs ever. I created it. ::pats self on back::

I had lunch today with Ben and Brad. Yay. I was telling Brad on the way back from lunch that next year is going to be kinda sad. Why did a bunch of people who were leaving have to become some of my favorites? Hmmmm...

I guess I'll be visiting the Dallas area occasionally.

I'm thinking about next year a lot these days. I think I need to slow it down and make sure I'm enjoying my summer...

Love me... <3

2005-05-16T08:19:00.000-05:00

I've been commanded to post...

Haha, since I haven't posted much since spring break, I haven't had as much of an initiative to. People read less when you're not posting daily. Hmmm...I'll work on this.

Well, I'll at least try to post deeper stuff later...right now I'm about to head to work. I'm starting 40 hour work weeks this week!! Yay for being the working girl again. This means I'll have money. Then again, I have class M-W-F nights from 6 - 10:30PM...so I won't have time to spend most of it. Hahaha...ah well. That's what saving is for!

For the record, I had a fantastic weekend. I forgot that the right kind of relaxation can make Monday look less scary. Cooking out with amazing people...and then going to the lake all of Sunday afternoon is just that kind...

You're reading the post of a happy little lady...and it's 8:30 on a Monday morning.

Love me... <3

2005-05-14T10:24:00.000-05:00

My computer is fixed!

I know the best people...

Mmm...today is going to be a good day. Started with working out and a shower....I'm going to run errands and study for the GRE a little.

I talked to two of my best friends from home yesterday. I actually talked to one of them twice...

I missed home like mad yesterday. Not necessarily "home" in the sense of being there and living there. But I missed what it used to mean. Nita called me late last night while she was walking through the streets of Chicago. We'd talked for an hour earlier...she's getting married in less than three weeks.

She asked me if I remembered when we used to swim in the middle of the night as teenagers. When summer would start, the first thing we did to ring it in was hang out all day and then take a late night swim. After a few minutes, we'd climb onto rafts, lay head to head holding them together, and then discuss life, love, happiness, goals, plans, dreams...for hours...upon hours.

She wanted us to go swimming last night.

I don't think it was because she wanted us to repeat one of our high school traditions. I just think it snuck up on us how fast time has gone since we graduated three years ago. In three weeks she's not going to be my high school friend, Nita Vinzant, anymore. She'll be Mrs. Vanita Vedenhaupt.

As much as I stop and wonder where the time went, I am eagerly anticipating what this year will bring for me. I'm a Senior. I didn't realize I'd be a Senior so quickly. I feel as though I'm too young to be finishing up a degree. Twenty year olds aren't supposed to be solidifying the rest of their life...right?

Haha...whatever. I can't wait. I'm okay with not being the "typical" twenty year old. I have things I want to do. I figured them out early. I might as well go ahead and get on that...right? I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything. In fact, I feel like what I am gaining is so big...and that I can't even see its magnitude presently.

I get so antsy when I think about my future. I just want to speed it up and figure out what is going to happen down the road. But, these days, I'm taking time to sit back and enjoy what and who are around me right now.

It's about where you're going...but more importantly, it's how you get there. Enjoy the ride. Cheers. <3

2005-05-12T10:01:00.000-05:00

Adventures of 16C

Last night was...wow.

Pretty sure someone jacked with our toilet. For serious...with no aggravation, it began to screw up and stuff. Jenny flushed it and suddenly, we had the sixth Great Lake. Em took an AG class in high school, so she knew had to temporarily stop it...unfortunately, that entailed her standing in the water with her hand down the back...until Security came around to help us out.

Picture this:

Four girls...all somewhat talkative...all somewhat hyperactive...all FREAKING OUT over an overflowing toilet. Poor guy. I feel sorry for him.

We got it stopped, but we definitely couldn't use it until midmorning...and that's 'cause I thought to call Facility Services on the way to my doctor visit today...

P.S...

NO MORE TUBE!!!

That's right...they took out the IV today. This is me ---> :-D

Summer has started with a bang. I'm thinking this one is going to be a good one...

Love <3

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-05-07T22:04:00.000-05:00

Today was graduation...

"Where did the time go?"
That was the question resounding in my mind as I watched the graduates' disorganized lines file into their chairs. I was certain that there was some sort of mistake...so many of my friends were capped and gowned, a sure sign that their time here was completed.

I am about to begin the transition into the post-college world. I will have friends who are "professionals," whose jobs no longer consist of making LeTourneau a cleaner or more populated place.

I swore I would not let myself get upset. What's the use? Things change every day. People do this every year. People say good-bye and embrace change with open arms. I've been doing it for a long time...and enjoying it, mind you.

I cried anyway.

Unfortunately, during this little span of time called college, part of me had begun to change. The part that craves change in every area of my life...

I have always been able to drop and run...no attachments, no committments, nothing holding me back from what I wanted to do. I dropped my entire life halfway through high school for a change in scenery. Without hesitation, I left my home, family, town, memories, best friends, and everything I had known growing up for LeTourneau University...for a new experience. I was 17 and couldn't imagine living life any other way.

Three years can break down and rebuild a girl in ways that are inconceivable prior to the actual product produced...

I'm not tired of changes in scenery. I'm not tired of changes in jobs, school, hobbies, random activities, or weekend fun. I'm tired of changing people.

I really want to reach a place in my life where I have people around me that I care about...and they stick around longer than a year. In college, this is a high expectation, considering the continuous changes in people and situations throught this time period.

It's really somewhat embarassing to admit...I'm the kinda girl that is known for being able to roll with the punches. "If you're here, great. If not, great. Whatever. I'm fine. Do you really think I'll let it effect me negatively? No thanks, I have better things to do."

Yeah, I'm getting worse at that. I've always been a bad liar when it comes to the way I think about things. I finally just stopped trying. I pretty much have to say whatever it is that I really feel. The person asking is going to know the truth whether I use words or everything BUT words. One way or another, the point gets across. Blast it, why didn't I just get the lying gene like every other normal human being?

So today, my thoughts strayed to how fast the time flew between last spring's graduation adn this spring's graduation. In one short year, I'll be walking across that stage. I'll be saying good-bye to the people that have been influencing my life for the past three years. Once again, I will be forced to leave behind that which I have come to know and love. I hope and pray that when I leave here, I take with me some of the most meaningful relationships I have ever experienced.

I thank God for the people here who have taught me about being a good friend. For those who have shown me what it means to be fiercly loyal. For those who have made me practice it. For those who have tested me, stretched me, broken me and put me back together... I'm one lucky girl.

Your #1 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

Hey guys, look...I should be a writer or psychologist...

2005-05-06T01:56:00.000-05:00

Yeah...tonight was good.

Deena + Ryan + Nick + Mike + Em + Viv + Chris + Dumb and Dumber = Great Thursday night.

Nick and Mike were finally good on their word that we'd hang out. Phil came along!!! We were supposed to meet Viv and Em at Starbucks. They changed plans on us and we ended up at Books A Million. Let me just say, people's personalities show in what they grab to read while you hang at a bookstore. I mean...they had everything from Modern Science Magazine to a book about Fidel Castro to Star Wars. And we can't forget an Archie comic. (No...none of those were mine.) Come on...I was scanning Spin and a new magazine Em and I found that is all about performing songwriters. I bought the Spin. A few of the ads will make it to the wall of great marketing. (P.S. I need to get subscriptions to those mags...Em - leave me the name of the one I can't remember?)

I'm going to have to say the funniest part of the night goes to the ride into town. I am so lucky to have amazing friends. And when times arise to inform people of small facts they probably should have already heard...it can get sooo funny. I love them. But I definitley never thought I'd have that discussion. Good thing I can roll with that kind of thing. In fact, it's kinda what makes my days so fun. :)

I realized tonight that Saturday is Phil's last day here (along with too many other people...)

It still hasn't hit me. I am going to have a few hard days when it finally sinks in.

For those of you who are graduating and sticking around a while...you probably won't know how happy I am that you're here.

2005-05-04T10:21:00.000-05:00

I have compulsion for checking messages...

I'm not kidding. If I have a text or voice message on my cell, I have to check it as soon as possible. If I'm sitting in my living room and my computer goes "Dodeeloooo"...I wonder who's trying to talk to me. If I walk into my apartment and there's a little red number on our answering machine...it must be looked into further.

Haha...I know. It's ridiculous. But it's actually one of my oddities that I don't personally mind. So I don't think I'm gonna try to do anything about it overall.

Though it's kinda funny to be restricted by other people during a movie. "No more IM! We don't share!"

P.S. Yay for drop-by visits. Too fun.

Nick and Mike--I know y'all read this. When are we hanging out??? Y'all were supposed to call me last night...

Another P.S. It's good to get things straightened out. My advice to anyone who is reading this... Don't let things go for a semester before fixing them. It's not worth it. Especially if it's a good friend. You miss out on time that I guarantee you'll need...and later, you'll regret that you forfeited it over misunderstandings.

2005-04-30T13:09:00.000-05:00

If I could do anything thing with my life...

Last night was a blast. I didn't know that the last Acousticafé was last night until about two hours before it started. Miss Mintz was singing, so I had to be there, of course. It ended up being one of the best ones I have attended...a lot of talent was thrown around last night.

Not to mention that the company was fabulous. We had a circle of couches and chairs in our little corner...I'd caught Ryan online before I went and he came down. Then throw in Viv, Em, Chris, Josh, Phil, Katy, Lauren, Lucas...the list goes on and on. Too much fun.

I talked to Viv and Em last night for a while just about the future. We were discussing what we'd do if there were no limitations. So here is Deena's dream job: I'd be the next huge female media mogul. I suppose the next Oprah?

No, I don't idolize Oprah. But she's an incredibly talented woman. And if I could have her job, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

Why?

Hmm...I suppose my personality bends towards things like that. I just think it would be amazing to have no boundaries. No limitations on what I could do or who I could reach...

I would most definitely want the TV show and magazine. (Although, mine would not be called "D"...and I would NOT be on the cover of every issue...probably not on the cover of any issue...) But to have that kind of circle of influence...to be seen as someone with credible opinions...I think it would be the most amazing job in the world.

Plus, I could plug my other passion...new music. Holy cow, there's so much I would want to do...

I want a TV show...a magazine...a book or two written by yours truly.

I want a degree in gender psych. I'm obsessed with it.

I want to be seen as someone who is worth listening to...who's opinions aren't merely that...opinions...but are ideas and plans that make other people's lives better.

Mmmm...I'm gonna sign off of here now. I'm taking a few hours this morning to surf the net and find myself some new music. This is me --> :)

2005-04-29T09:20:00.000-05:00

I listened to Andy Davis all day yesterday.

I don't know how anyone can listen to his song "Black Keys" and not get into it. Holy cow...a guy refuses to play on the white keys of the piano because it's too hard considering that he's depressed over losing his girl... I'm sorry...music just doesn't get much better than that...

I talked to Paige yesterday. I don't think we'd talked in a month or so...not with all that was going on. I love it that we can just pick back up where we left off. We just jumped right into what had been going on in our lives...

Last night I realized that I was missing a lot. I feel like a number of my friends that I met here have circulated in and out of my life. As much as I can say, "Such is life," I despise it. I'm happy for the people who are still with me in it all. Thanks guys.

I can't believe graduation is in a week. This can't be happening again. It sneaks up on me every year. And every year I have to say good-bye to more and more people.

This year I am the most unhappy about it all. Too many people that I care about are leaving. I'm not looking forward to next weekend.

I hung out with Clay late a couple of nights ago. We talked a lot about life in general...I'd forgotten how much you can learn by just talking.

Now I'm done. Sorry it's abrupt...but I'm not happy at the present moment. I get sad when I think about who all are leaving. You all mean the world to me.

Love <3

2005-04-27T15:07:00.000-05:00

I was reprimanded for not posting...

Haha...I explained in the previous post...I mean come on...I can type alright one-handed, but it's too annoying to try and post.

Good news: The splint came off today. I wowed my doctor with my "get-better abilities." He'd never seen anyone heal as fast as I have after a week of surgery. He's also not making me do physical therapy because he's never seen anyone who could move as much as I can. Good things happen amongst all the bad. :)

I'm really doing my best to see God's plan in all of this. I've never been one to question God or be angry at Him. I've always had faith that He knows what's going on, even though I do not...and it's all coming together to prepare me for the future.

Well, I'm not sure how this one is working towards my future...I seem to be getting further and further behind. But, I can't be too frustrated.

He's good. That's all I need to know.

On a different note, I experienced something pretty awesome this week.

I was home ridden after surgery...Nick was running the hotdog stand for old times sake...I didn't feel well enough to go. Thadd called (from Kansas) to tell Mike to bring me a root beer float. So he did.

It's amazing how your friends come through for you on days when you really need it. I really had a tough day...just knowing they thought about me (and called from KANSAS) to make sure my day was better meant the world.

My friends rock.

Love me... <3

2005-04-23T13:39:00.000-05:00

Short post...and last one until he splint comes off.

I have a splint on my left arm and an IV in my right.

I should get the splint off Wednesday...the IV has to give me antibiotics for the next 4-6 weeks.

It's pretty cool though. The IV tube runs through a small vein from my left arm to my Superior Vena Cava (main heart vein).

It's not as bad as it could be... it doesn't hinder my right arm from anything at all. (If my liver wasn't still broken, I could play sports hehehe)

I'll get to use my left arm again starting Wednesday.

Oh, just for informational purposes...I was in the hospital Wednesday - Friday because somehow my broken elbow got a staph infection. Blast those reprocussions from stupid accidents... :)

2005-04-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

mmmhmmmm ::nodding in affirmation::

So I had an incredible weekend.

The last post was kinda pouty...hahaha. I was missing the "old days" when I had millions of options every weekend. Friday night, I was just wanting one. We see what happens when Deena is alone...shopping trip...money spent...GOSH! ::slaps head:: Never Again.

The rest of the weekend was fabulous. I got to go to a spur-of-the-moment lake trip...oh yeah baby. I've been wanting to go since it got warmer. Ben, Brad and I just cruised around the lake a little...I even got in the water. (And hurt myself trying to be mean to Brad...) Movie night followed...good stuff. P.s. Ladder 49 is supersad...

Sunday, a few of us tried to go back to the lake...boat wouldn't start...until we got back home. Funny how that happens, huh?

So I went to class for all of 5 minutes this morning. I woke up sick and determined to make it to class... Yeah... I left five minutes later. I was kinda scared...but I called the Doc and was told that I'm alright.

I don't get the whole...feeling much much better and then taking a step or two back. I need a nap. And that seems to be the story of my life these days. I can't sleep enough. Sad sad day... ::shaking head in sorrow:: I kinda like being able to run around like a crazy woman for hours on end.

Love. <3

2005-04-16T01:21:00.000-05:00

Every woman deserves to hear the truth every once in a while--even if there are no men around who are brave enough to tell them.

That's a quote by a good...no great...friend of mine. Probably one of the best I made here at ole LU. Too bad not everyone stays around.

I really do have amazing friends.

I shopped tonight. Alone. This can never happen again.

I spend way too much money when I shop by myself. Yeah...but I got some good stuff. Jenny was good enough to sit through my modeling of it all and reassuring me that I did fine shopping by myself. hahaha...why do girls need that reiteration?

Not only that, but I realized something. It's Friday night. I got off work...began driving home, and realized that I had no plans for the weekend. (That was how I ended up on a 3 hour shopping spree alone...)

But I got to thinking...how does this happen?

In my early years (because they were so long ago)...I was up at all hours of the night doing all kinds of things. And on weekends...I always had plans well ahead of actual time. I can remember being very put out by having to decline spontaneous invitations because of plans I had already.

Then I got old. And moved to the apartments. And started sleeping.

I must admit, I enjoy aspects of this life to their full extent. Especially the whole "getting more sleep" thing.

It's 1:30. I'm going to bed. Yes, that's right. I'm 20; it's Friday; I'm going to sleep.

Much Love <3

2005-04-13T13:19:00.000-05:00

I napped on Treva's couch today.

Hehehe...I was waiting on her to come talk to me...and it took about twenty or thirty minutes, so I laid down on her couch. Shela, the nurse, came in and turned the light out. It's so sweet how much they cater to me sometimes.

I was reminded that there will probably not ever be another place that does that (caters to me.) Hahaha...I might have issues...I've grown accustomed to having close relationships with a lot of the faculty and staff here at LU.

One more year...

This summer holds so much for me. I just found out last night that I got my internship for my Christian Ministries minor. I will be basically leading a small youth group starting this summer. I'm going to get 10-13 hours of school in...and I'll be working 25+ hours per week. It kinda sounds like a lot on paper...but I really think it's going to be somewhat relaxing. My weekends will be free and I look forward to having a great summer. Who knows what all it holds? All I know is that I'm excited to find out.

I'm a little frustrated these days. I never knew how hard it could be to catch up after an accident. Treva gave me a nice, yet stern pep talk today about how I shouldn't expect so much out of myself right now. The doctors keep telling me I should have died. But since I didn't, I should be A.OK! I just have a hard time dealing with this whole "takes a long time to heal" thing. Give me a break.

Things that made me smile this week:
Straight hair weather, compliments that I dunno how to take, singing to Emily over the cell on the way to Books A Million, seeing a million people I like at Books A Million, embarassing stories re-told, Rach and Lauren seeing me from their car and getting really excited, getting things straight with friends, constant love from future roomie, being able to say "I'm over it."

Despite the frustrations, it's been a good week.

Love me <3

2005-04-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

Hootenanny was such a hit this year. I'm going to have to say that it was better than any of the others I have been to...

Not to mention the fact that I knew most of the people involved...and even took part myself. I'm going to have to say it was one of the most fun things I've done since I've been here at good 'ole LU.

The past few days have been enlightening ones...

Funny how some things change. So good for some things to be done. Even better for new beginnings.

I had some things said to me last night that I didn't know I needed to hear. I'm in a very thinky state at the moment, and I just may post a lil about it at a later date. But today is not the day...it still needs some mulling over before I try to make sense of it on paper...err...the world wide web.

2005-04-08T13:05:00.000-05:00

I wrote a long post yesterday and this thing lost it.

It's been a crazy week. It's been a stressful and sad past two days.

It's kinda ironic how sometimes you can be so sure of God's perfect plan for life...and trust so willingly in that. Then at a moment's notice...when something unexpected happens, you doubt the very thing you believe most.

Pray for Nancy Ortiz's family. I had the blessing of being her Peer Advisor her freshman year here at LU. She was beautiful and one of the most amazing women I have had the honor of knowing.

Last night a friend called me. He told me to read Job 38-42. He said, "Deena, it might not be what you're hungry for, but it'll feed you." (You were right. Thank you so much.)

I'll post a little more later.

2005-04-03T19:21:00.000-05:00

Deena needs to go to culunary school.

I kinda want to. Too bad I have all of my school planned out presently. Maybe that will be my mid life crisis!!! Oooo, that'll be fun.

I've been cooking like crazy lately. The reasons are two fold:
1. I love to cook and bake...love love love.
2. I've been confined to my apartment half of my life since Spring Break.

I had my first cooking/baking failure of my college career last weekend. I was making an apple pie. I pulled it out of the oven to check it. As I was putting it back in, I reached up to grab something with my right hand...leaving only my poor, little, weak left arm holding the pan containing the pie. Well, in what seemed like slow motion, my left arm gave way and the pie fell into the oven...

I was sooooo mad. I cussed, kicked the pantry, and then cried a little. Did I mention that my emotions are a roller coaster since the accident? Hahaha, I laugh now. :)

I have made two since then to compensate for my horrible display of embarassment. On the menu tonight: banana bread. The bananas FINALLY went bad without someone throwing them away! hahaha

Mmmk, I'm taking a break but it's time to get back to my Abnormal Psych journals.

Ciao babes. <3

2005-03-30T19:26:00.000-06:00

Injuries are conducive to massive ponderings.

I ran away.

I was in my apartment with about six other people and suddenly I just needed to get out. I'm holed up in the big recliner in the library next to a group of engineers studying for God only knows what.

Spending eight days in the hospital is a sure way to get the cogs in your head a'turnin'. haha. "A'turnin'." That sounds really hickishly funny. Say it out loud. Do it. You know you wanna...

Anyway...back at the ranch. You can only mull over things for so long before starting to overanalyze things that should never be pondered to such an extreme extent.

Welcome to the mind of Deena...here's a small glimpse...this is what's been on my mind lately.

My whole life I have fought typicality. Is that a word? Can it even be a noun. Whatever...it has to be. I've been running away from it since I was cognitively an "adult"...which was much earlier than normal...I'm not sure if I see that as a great thing anymore.

As I left the world of Junior High, I made an executive decision for myself. I would not be average in any sense of the word. Mediocrity grates on my soul...wears my mind...

Ok where are you going with this Deena? Refocus.

I have a slight disdain for my gender as a whole. Of course, I have a slight disdain for the opposite gender as well, but that is not the focus of this post. My personal growth has been purposely directed at not being the typical "woman."

Is it odd that things like, "It's okay to act like that, you're just being a girl," and "Stop being such a woman," bother me? Maybe it's because I hate strainer excuses. (Full of holes.)

Maybe it's a pride issue. I don't like to think that the things I value or reject are due to a predisposition. I kinda like knowing no one else is like I am.

Rwar. REFOCUS

I got to college... I realized I had succeeded. I can't count the times I've heard that I was not typical...I even got "way more mature" at times.

I took pride in that. I am easily friends with guys. No problems there. I've always liked to think that I understand them a little more...and let more slide maybe? I'm not really sure what it is...maybe it's just that I tend to like them way more than I do my own gender. :)

Guys are funny though. The other day, I got "Deena, you're the man." I had a slight mental anxiety attack. Hahaha...I would, huh? I equivilated that to a girl telling a guy he's like a sister to her. Who wants to hear that?

Why am I posting this? Maybe it's just therapeutic for me to have my ponderings in written form. I've always been a journaler. A writer at times. I love it.

But honestly...molding oneself into a liason between the genders is quite a task. Arriving at said position doesn't bring all the glory it seems...at least not right now. I'm wondering if being who I am will ever show a payoff. Am I going to get some kind of gratification in the end for putting it off?

I'm not big on instant gratification. Big time believer in good things come to those who wait. I just watch people around me sometimes who are getting things out of life now that I wouldn't mind having. My personality hinders that. Strange to say. I'm not big on admitting shortcomings.

If I could have one thing in this world, I would want to be seen as a good woman.

Weird, huh? My ultimate goal is to be the upright woman that God created me to be. I really just want to be honest and upstanding. Blameless even. I want to make people happy. I want to help. I want to succeed. I want to be needed. I heard once that the decisions you make today determine the rest of your life. I hope that the path I'm on is setting me up for the things I eventually want.

I sometimes wonder if I'd how different I would be if I did not expect that the things I do now will be determining my future. I'm so complicated as it is...sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever know all of me. I tend to show people parts. There's so much that it overwhelms me at times. :) I think it's a little much to ask others to take it in stride.

I'm treating this like a real journal today. Weird. I don't do that often...I like to entertain through this thing. Though I didn't write this for comments, they're absolutely welcome. That is, if it makes sense in the least. :)

Love me. <3

2005-03-27T20:09:00.000-06:00

Definitely the longest I've gone without posting...

Yeah, I have a good reason...

Alright, where do I start? It's been over two weeks since my last post. I can't believe all that's happened between. If I tell it all in one post, no one would finish because it would be forever long. :) Details about the fun parts of Spring Break will have to wait I suppose. Everyone wants to know what's been keeping me away from Blogworld.

LUers all know...this place is like an all girls junior high. :) ANY information that seems to be of interest goes from being unknown to campus knowledge in 0.6 seconds, I swear. In this case, it was good. I had so much support and prayers. I love you all.

So Spring Break 2005 will not quickly escape my memory. We went skiing. It started out as one of the best spring breaks of my life. The road trip up couldn't have been more fun...

Day 1 of skiing... All six take the bunny slope once to break in the skis. Whitney and Zac decide to stay back and practice.

Run 1: Deena takes off to play with the boys...(one of her favorite pasttimes ;) Ride up to the top of the mountain and three greens later, she was quite proud of herself. No falls. Perfect speed control. Perfect stoppage. Oh freaking heck yes.

Run 2: Boys and Deena decide she's ready to go a little harder. The plan is one blue and two greens down. Ride up to the top...

Deena gets up to the top of the blue and looks over as Pat and Phil snowboard down. "I'm gonna kill myself. There's no way I'm going down that." ::It was really steep:: Ryan laughed and skiied down. Of course, in her little stubborn southern woman head, Deena was thinking, "There's actually no way I'm letting them go down without following."

Soooo.... (I'm changing to first person now...hahaha)

I skiied down...started out well...picked up speed...got down to the end of the run and needed to make the last sharp right turn. I was going fast...so I wanted to zig-zag and lose a little speed. I zigged...but not so much on the zagged.

I hit a tree.

::insert all of LU gasping::
::insert all of Deena's friends from home laughing::

It was bad. I've never in my life felt an impact like that. In the last split second, I covered my head with my left arm. The earth was spinning. Everything was dark for a few seconds. My head felt like a lightening storm.

I opened my eyes and heard Ryan calling my name. He was coming over. I was trying desperately to mentally survey my body and see if I was okay. I panicked. My worst fear...spinal cord damage...paralysis...I moved my legs. Thank God.

Ryan had called them and Phil and Pat had hiked back up the slope. Pat went for help. Phil got the branches out from under me. Ryan was cleaning off my face. It seemed like forever before Ski Patrol arrived. I was hurting so badly. And I was scared.

I'm never that scared.

Ryan and Phil were comforting. I always wondered how effective holding someone's hand is when they're in a situation like that. I can tell you it's one of the most calming things that can be done. That and seeing a familiar face. And knowing someone was making sure I got help. (P.S. I <3 those guys.)

I was strapped to a plastic board. A Ski Patrol guy skiied me down the mountain. (It hurt so bad...I could barely breathe.)

They got me into the Monarch's clinic and put me on a bed. An ambulance came soon after and I was put into the back with a nurse. She discovered my "bad veins" and couldn't start an IV drop. They put me on oxygen and I wondered if I was alone. (Ryan was in the front, but I didn't know until I got to the hospital.)

I was rushed into the ER in a manner that was akin to...well...ER. "Twenty year old caucasion female. Skiing accident. Hit a tree. Pain in torso. She's on oxygen but we need to start a drip."

I didn't want to be conscious.

They asked me a million questions. I could barly breathe, so talking was difficult. It hurt. In my torso and my arm.

A CAT scan and what seemed like hundreds of X-rays later, I was told that I had split my liver. About a ten centimeter lasceration that went all the way through. I had them let me call my mom. I knew she'd freak out if they called and said her oldest daughter was in ICU.

The next morning, I went in for another CAT scan. On the way back, I had them swing by and X-ray my arm. "It's only sprained," they said. "You couldn't move it like you have been if it was broken. But we'll check it."

Yep, it was broken. I broke my elbow. It saved me a head injury.

Zac and Whitney didn't go skiing. They stayed with me at the hospital all day. They brought me hard candy and toys. (I couldn't eat or drink...only hard candy.) They were incredible. (I <3 them.)

The boys came back that night. :) They brought me a card, the cutest Teddy ever, and a branch from the tree. haha. It was the best ever. We played Scattegories. I was feeling better.

The doctor came in and announced that my blood levels were dropping and that I was to be lifted to Denver. In a helicopter.

I cried for the first time. I tried not to, but that just scared me. They only helicopter people to big hospitals when it's bad.

I was alright. The helicopter ride was the coolest. Denver at night...view above the city...nice little touch in a bad situation. Pat, Phil and Ryan stayed with me until I was in the air. I don't know if they realize how comforting it was for me to look out the window of the helicopter and see them.

Well Denver was long... My mom and aunt flew there to be with me. I had a few amazing friends from LU visit me in the hospital there. Jenny, my future roomie, did something amazing. She knows me and my music...and how I am in agony when I have to be without it. So the second day, she brought me her CD player and CDs...and told me to just bring it back to LU when I got home. She's amazing and I love her.

I didn't have to have surgery on my liver. I did have to have surgery on my arm. I got a a stainless steel plate and six screws in my elbow. They started me bending it the day after surgery. I'm wearing an ace bandage now. The stitches come out on Wednesday.

I got out of the hospital Monday...one week to the day after my accident. Two days in ICU. Two days in progressive care. Four days in a regular room. I flew back to Texas the next day.

Soooo....now I'm just waiting. Waiting on my liver to heal. I have to take it easy. I'm really sore. I'm swollen a little. But I know how many people care about me. I had so many calls while I was in the hospital. So many people...literally thousands...praying for me. I cannot tell all of you how much I appreciate it.

God is good. There's no way I should have walked away from that accident in as much of one piece as I did. Thank God I had no head, neck, back or spinal cord injuries. How is it possible that I damaged my liver so badly and didn't break ANY ribs...puncture any other organs...hurt anything else inside. The liver is the only organ in our bodies that will heal itself without surgery.

I'm amazed. In awe. I believe more now in God's timing for our lives. I could be dead. But it's not my time yet. I still have a lot to do for Him before I get to go home. I'm so thankful that he's still watching over me and that I have such amazing people calling on Him on my behalf.

Once again, I love you all.

2005-03-12T00:41:00.000-06:00

The countdown continues...

Yeah...eight hours. Ask me how much of my clothes I've packed....ack!

Just finished my entertainment kit and my "I know we'll need this stuff" kit.

I'm not goin to sleep.

Pretty sure I just searched my ENTIRE car for my new Amos Lee CD...I couldn't find it ANYWHERE! Then I remembered I had taken it up to show Chris one night. I called him to tell him I'd left it there...and he was like "Hey, guess what I'm listening to right now in Houston." Oh yeah, that's right. He rescued Amos Lee...only to STEAL HIM AWAY TO HOUSTON. hahaha, blast. He's not gonna be back until tomorrow afternoon, which means I have to be Amos starved until Friday. Blast.

On the other hand, Emily Walton is freakin amazing and burned me four CDs for the road. I believe I love her. :) LOL can anyone guess one of the ways to win my heart? :-P

Gotta go grab my laundry. :) haha, I definitely am pulling a last minute packing job here...ah well...it's what I do...

2005-03-11T13:00:00.000-06:00

Did you really have to add the adjective?

Deena: "You're a big liar!!"
Emily: "Is that a fat joke? I mean, really. Did you have to add the adjective?"

Man I love my girls.

Dude, I leave for spring break in less than one day. in fact, it's about 17 more hours. Now THAT's Fabulous. Here comes a long ride with Ryan, Pat, and Phil. Of course, our companions when we get there will be Zac and Whitney. Um. Yay.

Oh yeah, and I got the most adorable IM yesterday. Clay left me an IM before he left for Egypt that said, "Hey Deena...I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving the country...I love you...in case anything happens...bye."

2005-03-09T12:30:00.000-06:00

I don't see how you could ever be....anything but mine.

So today I skipped chapel to sit in a room in my underwear and have a nice little chat with two guys.

Yeah, gotta love doctors visits.

I AM glad that I grew up in a big family and never learned true modesty. I know way too many girls that would prolly have a panic attack if they had to do that...haha gotta love some LU women.

So I've had a good week. A really good week, in fact. Come to a few conclusions...

So when you leave the ball in someone else's court and they don't pick it up, is it okay to take it back? I think that I may have to do this.

Also...time really does heal things that you think you'll never get over. Strange how that happens. One day, you're sure that you'll never be normal again...the next, you wake up with a new sense of self...just because time has passed. I love how complex life is...and yet how something as simple as time can heal strings of hurts.

Most fun thing of the week:
16C (+visitor)Dance Party getting shut down at 1AM...yikes!

Peace Amigos ;)

2005-03-07T18:45:00.000-06:00

Failure of the week:

Trying Diet Cherry Limeaid. Don't do it. The extra calories are worth it...believe me.

Definition of the week:

Hang out: (v.) to be with a group of two to approximately one hundred people. You must be able to see everyone, know most of their names, and 30% of them may NOT all have the same name.

I'm sad. The spanish language has no word for "nifty"...which is quite possibly my favorite word of all time. What a shame...not a word that combines both "cool" and "useful." I've decided that nifty is a...nifty...word. ;)

The countdown is five days for Spring Break...woo hoo for skiing! I hope I don't kill myself...that'd suck.

2005-03-05T01:44:00.000-06:00

I've been such a blog slacker.

Uno

This post is going to be random... just a forewarning...

I started my new job this week. I'm a file clerk for a lawyer in town. It's kinda hard to believe...he and his legal assistant work with criminal and civil cases, so I am already learning a ton. So about four of my ten hours this week were spent driving to Marshall and back because I am also the errand girl. hehehe, it's nice to get paid to listen to music and talk on my phone.

Most random work quote of the week:

Legal Assistant (on phone): "Now, ma'am, why do you have to testify before the grand jury?"
Woman: "'Cause my baby's daddy killed my baby." ::said with no trace of sadness::

Dos

My girls are amazing. I have been learning so much from them. From giving and smashing "silver boxes" with Catrina to Jenny being paranoid that my fickle moods are because of her. I'm so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. I can't imagine LU without Sar, Cath, Vron, Jen, Trina, Rach, Viv, Ash, Em, Lollie, Katy, Katie, Jince, Deb, Kanoe, annd that list was long so I hope I didn't leave anyone out. I love you all.

Tres

Only a week until Spring Break. Holy Cow. I am so frickin' stoked. Yes, people, I said stoked. I'm psyched even. ::Nodding in affirmation::

Next Saturday, a freaking awesome group of people will be headed to the mountains of Colorado to ski our selves crazy! Whitney, Zac, Phil, Ryan, Pat and I will all be gold medal worthy by the time our trip is over. I would say that I'm excited again...but that would be redundant and I know that you all would rather I keep it short and to the point. ;)

Catorce(P.S. It really pisses me off that U2 didn't take the time to learn to count for Vertigo.)

I've been acquiring new music like crazy lately. I have recently been introduced to Amos Lee...who is my new love. (I have to get it somewhere, right?) There isn't much better than really a really good jazz musician. ::Once again, nodding in affirmation::

I'm gonna be better about writing. I promise. ;)

2005-02-26T20:53:00.000-06:00

::hefty sigh::

I made it through last week. Friday afternoon, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to the weekend. But I did.

I cried today. Hard. And for a while. I'm not sure what all it was... I think some of the things that have been bothering me just all caught up to me at the same time. I hadn't let myself cry like that in a long time...maybe too long. I'm kinda exhausted now, but I feel a little better.

Do you ever just wonder where the line is between standing up for yourself and what you need...and being selfish? I'm beginning to believe that not making sure that you keep yourself healthy and stable is just as detrimental as being self consumed. Trying to find that balance is harder than it seems...

2005-02-21T23:41:00.000-06:00

I deleted a boring post earlier.

Yeah...I haven't really had that much interesting stuff to write...LOL ok, so I'm lying...I just haven't felt like spilling my personal world to who knows who the past week. hahaha...I'm over it now.

I do have a fun story now, though!

So tonight, I wanted a Cherry Limeaid soooo bad. And this isn't just any cherry limeaid crave...today was rough. I needed a Rt. 44. Oh yeah baby.

Trina's been sick, so she didn't want to go, but it was dark. So I called on my Sonic run friend, Julz, to go with me...and of course she wanted to. She loves Sonic drinks as much as I do.

So we decide to take my car, since we'll blend in better in the ghetto. Unfortunately, my poor lil Buick has jacked up windows...so the driver's side windows don't roll back up if rolled down. Which, in turn, means that I have to open my door and step halfway out of my car to order at Sonic. It's a funny sight. You should try it sometime.

So I was trying to order, and the guy taking it was lacking in the IQ area, I think. He made me repeat my ENTIRE two orders three times. THREE TIMES. After the last time, I waited for him to respond with my total (or another request for repetition), but instead I got this:

"Hey, this guy in here wants to know if he can have your number."

Without thinking, I (in an obviously flustered and aggitated voice) barked back:

"NO! CAN I JUST GET MY FOOD??"

I hope he didn't spit in my drink.

2005-02-17T15:30:00.000-06:00

I spanked my Abnormal Psych test...

That felt great. I love sitting down to a test and just knowing the answers...all the way through. I mean, after you study EVERYTHING you're supposed to... not like those times where you fall asleep while studying...then go take the test. Start it out and think, "Wow, I am doing GREAT!"...but then at question #19 out of 50, nothing looks familiar anymore. It all seems like gibberish...Swahili...a dialect of an african jungle tribe.

So I love that class. Abnormal Psych is the coolest stuff to read about. Mostly because it's all...well...abnormal. Not something you're gonna hear about every day. It can be just plain weird though. I mean, if you've never gotten a good look the variety of psychological disorders...wow. That's all there is to say. One of our chapters was on sexual disorders. They definitely outlined all kinds of weird things and had disturbing, yet funny stories to go along with it. Like, did you know that some guys create obsessions with women's shoes...and can only be turned on by shoes?? Catrina and I studied together and definitely had some fun times reading the examplory stories... "...Richard has a locked cabinet in his basement. Every night when his wife goes to her evening job, he sneaks downstairs and puts on women's shoes, stockings, dresses, wigs and make-up. He imagines himself being pursued by several men and reinacts social sitautions as a woman for a few hours..."

Monday and Tuesday nights, we had football games. Holy cow...all I can say is intense. I'm not going to comment much about Monday nights game. A lot of people were mad...and just as many were in physical pain. We'll just leave it at that. Tuesday night, we played an incredible game. Catrina and I are the Bash-Sisters now. I swear, I love playing with her...hahaha...they all motivate me to be more competitive! (It's kinda fun!) Well, we got our new nicknames because we both dove for the QB's flags and landed in a heap...I got a lil kick in the face and it took both of us a minute to get off the ground. But we got her flags...yessir...we sure did.

I've been so sore. I'm way more normal today, but yesterday I was just irritable all morning. I hate being in constant pain. hahaha

Much love <3<3<3

2005-02-16T13:00:00.000-06:00

They say I'm addicted...

...to buying new music. I can't help it. If that makes me an addict...so be it.

Ingram Hill is one of my new fixations. Great CD. Get it. Listen. Enjoy.

I really wish my job could be to find, listen, and critique new music...with compilation work on the side. Hmmmm...second top dream job in all the land.

This is the first weekend in a while that I have pre-planned events every day before it starts. It should prove to be a great one.

Lyrics for today...from Waste It All You (Ingram Hill)

She makes her way up to the front door
Completely numb when she hears my voice
Her burdened eyes show signs of light now
To me there's nothing there but cold

Broken trust can never be regained
It was never there to start
I have my reasons why
Not to waste it all on you

2005-02-15T16:53:00.000-06:00

Currently hearing: Hot Fuss - The Killers

My new CD...yes, second in a week. I know, I need to stop.

I did get a new planner today that includes a seven CD holder...I thought that was nice...

HAHA...Deena's getting organized!

Two of my aunts came into Longview today to take me out to lunch and hang out with me. It turned into a shopping trip. They decided that they needed to buy me things for late Valentine's day presents. :) So I got a bunch of necessities from Wal-Mart (including the afformentioned CD.) We also swung by Lifeway and I got the Message Bible. I'm so excited...I've been wanting one since last semester when Clay convinced me I had to have it.

I'm so tired. Tonight we have a football game (after playing last night...) I think I need to take a nap first...

Hope you all had sweet, sweet lovin' on Valentine's day!

2005-02-13T11:37:00.000-06:00

New music makes me incredibly happy.

I swear, these days if I haven't bought music within a two week span...I start experiencing some sort of withdrawl. Then...I'll hear a song or be reminded of a CD that I really want...and it'll pop up everywhere...as if to taunt me.

Viv and I hung out last night. I really had a blast. We made a random, spur-of-the-moment trip to Best Buy at ten. I had to have a new CD. I wanted Ingram Hill. I got it. :) I'm happy.

This could be the beginning of very happy times....or a very unhealthy addiction...

hahaha

Tomorrow night is the football game between the Apartments and G3...we're gonna kick tail. I think I'm going to get my nails done in celebration afterwards. :) I wanted to go get them done this week after Viv showed me hers. Buuuttt....I remembered the scheduled butt-kicking and realized that it would have to wait. hahaha

Oh and I watched Donnie Darko last night...like many people have told me I should. I was intreagued and was WAY into it. I think I need to watch it again and focus better. I definitely watched it with a talker. Which is not a bad thing...he just felt the need to make fun of it, causing us to miss a few things, I'm sure. haha it was fun though.

It's a beautiful day. Take advantage of it.

2005-02-09T20:54:00.000-06:00

Amazing the things you hear when you take time to listen.

I had a fantastic day. I think I'll be having more of these in the near future.

I didn't go to class today. Two were canceled. One was skipped. My uncle from Oklahoma came into town and took me out to lunch.

He's incredible. You'd never know how incredibly successful he is. He pulled up in his HUGE Ram 2500 king cab. I need a ladder to get into it...hehehe. He was, of course, wearing a bluejean shirt and overalls...accented by his camoflauge trucker cap and old work boots. Not the kind of person most people would assume to have built his own business dealing with petrochemical engineering (as he called it.) He's brilliant and extremely hard working. I think it did a lot fo rme to just sit and talk to him. School brings a lot of knowledge...but something about a lifetime of making your dreams come true brings wisdom beyond what I can imagine at this point.

He told me that he was impressed by me. I honestly didn't know what to say. I was just sitting there, staring at this man, realizing again the type of people that I come from. Dedicated, hardworking, and wise. I have a lot to live up to...but it's in me. I have such a deep respect for the people in my family who have made something out of themselves. None of them have college educations. I'll be the first to finish...and the only one so far to even speak of graduate school. AHHH...no pressure, right?

He just told me that I needed to remember that the hard part was behind me. I've already chosen what I'm going to do. All I have to decide are the little things now. When I look back on this part of my life, the hardest part will be the beginning. I think I'm going to start living like that right now. It'll probably help my stress levels.

I'm in an incredible mood today. Yeah...I think I'm gonna make sure I have more of these days in the future. :)

Much love to you all. <3<3<3